Sampson and Devilah #14 pt. 1

“Ok, Sampson. You have me now. I am helpless. If you absolutely insist on killing me, you can do so. But know that if you do, you are killing an innocent person.”
“I…” Sampson stammered. “But… I have to! It’s my quest! I have to complete it.” “If you took out the Dark Brotherhood, I’d say you already have,” Muz-Ra said, coming out from the dining area. “Oh, he definitely got rid of them!” Devilah said, brushing crumbs off her breasts as she followed.
“Then you’re done. You’ve been done for days. Your quest is over. Your vow is complete!” Kitty implored. “No! Your glamour is wasted. Die now BLACK CAT!” And with that battle cry, Sword swung in a fast arc at waist level, impossible to duck or jump over. Kitty had just enough time to realize what was happening before the blade struck her square in the chest.
“ NO!!!” cried Muz-Ra, far too late. “ SAMPSON! STOP!” cried Devilah, just as late.
And the sword…
…bounced off.
His hands expecting the thunk of metal on flesh, Sampson was unprepared for the immediate and complete cessation of movement as Sword seemed to strike hardened steel. The reaction threw Sword completely out of his hands as it clattered to the stone floor. Momentarily the scene was frozen as Kitty looked down, prepared to see the horror of a blade deep in her torso.
Both Muz-Ra and Devilah were trying to comprehend what they were seeing and Sampson stood stunned, looking at the sword now uselessly resting on the floor and glowing a bright blue.
“What the hell?” came from all four simultaneously. Sampson looked at Kitty. Kitty looked at Sampson, then shrugged. “Really? You didn’t do that?”
“Not me! I thought I was dead!” As the glow began to fade from the blade, Devilah was the only one who could understand what had happened…

Sampson and Devilah #13

As they entered the castle, Sampson and Devilah were greeted by the sight of a long hallway, at the far end of which sat a throne upon a raised dias. A dark figure sat upon the throne, clad all in black.
Devilah’s eyes scanned the surroundings while Sampson’s were fixed upon the figure ahead. When no apparent danger presented itself, Sampson strode towards the throne. “At last, we meet Kitty… or should I call you The Black Cat?!” “And you must be Sampson. What have you done to my friends?”
“Your giant Argonian lay unconscious in Riverwood when last I saw her.” “And Shabhira?” Sampson looked uncertainly to Devilah. “Oh relax. She’s just asleep.” “She’d better be. Come forward, although I doubt I could stop you from doing that anyway.”
As they passed the outer hallway, they were struck by the smell of baked cookies. “What on earth is that!?” cried Devilah. “What fiendish trap is this, assassin?” “That,” said Muz-Ra stepping out from a side passage, “is Chocolate Chip.”
“Cookies? You think to stop us with cookies?” roared Sampson. “What’s a cookie?” asked Devilah, stepping up to Muz-Ra. “Mostly flour, butter and sugar – though these have these little chocolate bits.” “Now hold on a minute,” Devilah cautioned Sampson. “They do smell awfully good.” “Try one. I think you’ll like them. Don’t worry, they’re not poisoned or anything. Here, pick one and I’ll eat it first.”
“Trickery. Devilah, don’t do it!” “Oh, lighten up Sampson. Just one surely can’t hurt,” she replied, then turning back to Muz-Ra, added “No need for that, Argonian. I trust you,“ said Devilah as she gingerly took a nice big cookie from the plate proffered. "Why thank you! I’ve got milk to go with it over at the table right there.” “Oh! Sampson, you’ve got to try one! They’re really good! I’ve never had these before. What’s your name?” “I’m Muz-Ra but everyone just calls me Red. And you?”
“I am Devilah. Very glad to meet you Red! These are just delicious. I don’t eat much I’m afraid, so this is new to me. But I must say, some milk would be just the thing.” “Well come back here with me. I promise there are no traps or hidden guards waiting to pounce. I just couldn’t carry the plate AND the milk…” “Sampson, wait just a couple minutes for me would you? I’ll be right back.” “ Devilah, no! Can’t you see it’s a trick?” “Sampson, I’m an unusually good judge of character. There is no deceit here. Maybe a bit of distraction, but your quest can wait.” “ No! No more waiting! Say your prayers, assassin. Your life ends here!” “Oh dear. Sorry Red. Looks like they’ll have to wait.“ "That’s a pity. I had chocolate milk waiting too.” “ *CHOCOLATE* milk? Oh to hell with Sampson, lead on Chef!” And Red led Devilah back to the waiting snack.
Sampson watched in horror as she left. “DEVILAH! Come back!” “Hold your horses, I’ll be there in 5 minutes, tops. Besides, I’m just right here.” Sampson then turned his gaze back to the throne, but it lay empty. “Curse you Cat! Where are you hiding?”
A voice seemed to come from everywhere as he climbed the dias, looking around desperately. “What, you expect me to just sit still while you kill me? Look, Sampson. I was in the Brotherhood. But I left when they were going to make me kill someone! I didn’t have the stomach for it. I may have done some bad things in my life, but I’ve never assassinated anyone!”
“Well, there was that one guy in Helgen,” Muz-Ra suggested, stepping out from the dining area. “Hey, that was in battle. That’s different,” said Kitty, crawling out from behind the throne. Then she looked up at the hulking brute glaring down at her with murder in his eyes. “Oops,” she said.

Sampson and Devilah #12

“Nay. She fought bravely and honorably. Her death would bring no good to the world.” “And what of her last words? Would you consider relenting from your goal?” “Never. The Khajiit must die. But we should be off before she wakes. To kill such as her would bring dishonor to my name, and short of death she surely will try and thwart our goal again. We know the path and the castle awaits.” “Oh, she won’t be waking up for hours… I would guess, I mean.”
“Sometimes, Devilah, I think…” “Really? When? I mean, What do you think?” “Never mind. Come, we can be at the castle by noon.”
“Certainly is imposing,” Devilah admitted. “ANYONE HOME?” called Sampson. Devilah looked at him shocked. “What in the hell are you doing?” “Announcing our presence of course.” “Ever heard of the element of surprise?” “I cannot abide elementals of any sort.”
“Sampson. Is that you?” called a distant figure up high on the walls. “Shabhira? So you are in league with the fiend!” “I’m sorry Sampson, but she’s my friend. She’s no fiend.” “I dispatched your large Argonian, I’ll dispatch you as well!” Sampson challenged. “Ubergard? Damn you human, you’d better not have hurt her!”
“I admit, she was… honorable. She lay unconscious in Riverwood when last I saw her. But she could not thwart my will, Khajiit. Your stink bombs will not stop me either.” “You think not? Let’s find out!” And with that, Shabhira hurled something green and glass-like at them.
The vial would have covered the entire entrance with it’s fumes – but oddly it came to rest unbroken, stopping at the last minute as if cushioned instead of shattering on the paving stones. “What the hell?” Shabhira blurted out. Then she recovered and began tossing multiple vials of widely diverse colors and shapes upon the intruders. All tinkled softly upon the stones as if placed there by the most delicate of hands.
“Who’s doing that?” Shabhira shouted, perplexed before spotting the telltale glow around Devilah’s hands. “Oh! Did you know your partner was a Mage, Sampson? Look at her! Look at her hands! She’s got some sort of spell protecting you! Is that how you defeat your opponents? With magic?! And you said you had honor!
Devilah let out an uncharacteristic growl and the glow from her hands changed from green to blue. "Devilah? Is it true? What are you doing back there?” As Sampson turned around, Devilah shot one hand up towards the now defenseless Khajiit. A flash of blue leapt from her outstretched hand and Shabhira fell back, no longer visible. “DEVILAH! You ARE casting magic! I saw you! What have you done to her?” “What, do you want to smell like a sewer for the rest of your life? And that assumes you’d have had a life if some of those other vials had broken! She was using magic too you know. It’s only fair!”
“Stop it Devilah! You will use no more magic while I’m on this quest, do you understand?! I will not have my honor tarnished by the use of magic! Do I make myself clear?” Devilah backed down. “Ok, ok.” “Speak no more of this, lest I banish you from my side. Let us find this Kitty and be done with this!” Devilah bowed her head in obeisance. “Yes my master.” But underneath her brow, her eyes blazed with the glow of flames.

Sampson and Devilah #11

The next morning… “Sampson! Are you…?” “Devilah! No! I… Um… it’s not… It’s just that, in the morning, see…” “Oh, I see all right! It’s just us two in here you know. That whole vow thing…” “Maybe just a little…” Sampson wavered for a moment. “No! Let’s get going Devilah. This day will see the end of that cursed vow one way or another!”
“If you say so, master.” “Devilah?” “Yes master?” “You are… beautiful.” The red-clad Khajiit just smiled and gave Sampson a kiss, and then they were off again.
“HALT!” Ubergard shouted as soon as Sampson and Devilah walked out of the Sleeping Giant. Immediately, Sampson drew his sword menacingly, though he was not unshaken by the size of the armored Argonian that stood before them, nor the evil-looking battleaxe that remained at her back. “What is this? Who are you, Argonian, and why do you oppose me?” “I would ask the same of you, warrior. What is your purpose here in this place?”
“I am Sampson, Justice-Bringer and Assassin-Bane. I come seeking vengeance for the crimes of the Dark Brotherhood!” “A noble quest, but there are no assassins here. You are entering Whiterun territory. Do you have the ear of the Jarl?” “Of course not. Why would I have his ear?” “She means, do you have his approval?” Devilah pointed out.
“Oh. Well, no. But all right-thinking aristocracy would welcome me and my quest! Are you his emissary?” Now it was the Argonian’s turn to feel uncertain. “Well, no. Not exactly. But like you I live to serve Law and Peace. I fear you would bring violence to my home.” “None to honest citizens, of that I assure you. But there is one in these lands whom I seek. A Khajiit known to the Brotherhood as The Black Cat. To you she is known as Kitty.” Ubergard could not hide her recognition of the name, and Devilah picked up on it immediately.
“Clearly you know her,” Devilah stated. “Honor my master’s geas and tell us where we can find her so that we can put an end to this quest.” “I know her. But in this I will not aid you. Kitty is not the Khajiit you believe. She was rejected by the Brotherhood because she would not take a life for gold.”
“You lie. Stand aside Argonian, or you shall suffer your evil friend’s fate, I swear by my good name!” “I will not,” Ubergard stated and drew her vicious blade. “Then have at you!” shouted Sampson and the fight began as Devilah drew aside, watching them both with flashing eyes.
——————————- An hour passed, sapping the strength of both warriors with neither scoring a decisive hit. A lull in the fighting found both heaving for breath before attempting the next lunge. “You fight well, <pant> Argonian. Surely such skill as you posess <pant> should not align itself with <pant> such as this Black Cat! But you must know you are beaten. <pant> You now only defend. <pant> Look, you can barely lift your blade!”
“And you as well, human. <gasp> I have never fought against such. <gasp> You may best me yet, I cannot lie. <gasp> But if so, let my honor reach your ears. <gasp> Kitty is not your foe!” “Let fate be the judge of that!” screamed Sampson and the onslaught was renewed.
“What happened?!” Sampson cried to Devilah, nearly toppling with exhaustion. “Rest a minute, my brave fighter,” Devilah said, dousing the blue glow from her hands. “But, I didn’t even hit her at the last!” “Perhaps she fainted from sheer exhaustion. Would you dispatch her now that she lies unconscious?”

Sampson and Devilah #10

It was after midnight when Devilah stepped out into the common room and sat before the fire. “Hello?” “Devilah! At last. Things haven’t been going well down here.” “Oh no. What’s happened?” “The master is asking what’s going on in Skyrim. I had to tell him about the Brotherhood.”
“Oh shit. Does he know about me?” “Not yet. We need to keep it that way until you take your Hero too. How’s your progress?” “Almost there. We found the assassin’s location finally. This should be over tomorrow.” “About time! You’re sure you can take him after that then?”
“He protests, but he was rock-hard earlier. The only thing holding him back is his need to keep this damned vow. I really think he likes me too!” “Devilah! You’re not supposed to care if he likes you or not! All he has to do is LUST after you! Sentiment shouldn’t be any part of it. For heaven’s sake, that might lead to the L word if you’re not careful!” “I know, I know. But he’s… so sweet sometimes. I know he lusts after me already. He just denies it.” “Are you quite sure you’re still playing on our team Devilah? I swear if I lose my position, I’m going to hunt you down to the ends of the earth. An Intervention will be the least of your worries!”
“Oh, calm down flame-girl. He’ll take me tomorrow after we finish off this ‘Kitty’ and then I’ll have him. Even better if she turns out to be a Good. He’ll feel all sad and angsty and conflicted. The master will give you an award if we manage this.” “Hey, where are you? You’re in a tavern? Are mortals hearing us?!” “Relax, I lobbed a time-bomb. They’re in stasis,” Devilah said, climbing atop one of the patrons as proof.
“Oh. Well, that’s better. Ok. I expect I’ll know when he’s ours then?” “The Heavens will shake with our climax!” “They’d better.” “Um… hey… can I ask a favor?”
“What is it this time?” “I… need some batteries.” “Batteries? For what?” “Um… personal needs.” “You brought a vibrator?”
“Well… yeah. It gets lonely waiting for Stud to come around. You disapprove?” “No way! I only wish I’d of thought of that when I was up there! Way to think ahead! But you said you should have him very soon, right?” “Yeah but, well, he’s not experienced with females at all. He probably won’t know how to do me right, you know? Till I get him trained anyway.” “Ah. That’s true. He’ll probably burst before he gets inside.”
“So… those batteries?” “I’ll get them to you somehow. What size? AA?” “No. D. Four of them.” “Oh my god, what have you got up there? Industrial strength jackhammer?!” “Hey, I’ve got needs you know? And we are created to be robust!”
“That we are, Devilah, that we are. Four D cells coming right up.” “Copper top?” “Hey, don’t get picky, Sweet.” “Wish me luck tomorrow. One Hero is worth a hundred you said, right?” “Good luck Devilah! I’m counting on you. Yup. 1 to 100 ratio and he’s a prime catch at that.” “Ok. Devilah out.”
“Damn. It’s not working,” thought Devilah when she returned to their room. “I need Mr. Sparky. Or better yet, you, my cute Industrial Strength Jackhammer. I better just go to sleep I guess.”

Sampson and Devilah #9

“You misunderstand. I’m leaving to go to Riverwood. But only because I want to talk with this warrior. I assume he will be going through there. But no, I rescind my resignation. If I must, I will fight for you Kitty.” “Oh thank you Uber. Thank you all! You know, I really don’t know if I’m even doing the right thing here. Frankly, I can run. I’m damn good at running and hiding. If any of you get hurt, I’ll feel really stupid for this.”
“But if you ran, we’d lose our friend. I’ve seen the guy. He’s a dimwit, but he’s a persistent dimwit. We’d never see you again. I think I speak for us all when I say, you are worth fighting for. We’re with you Kitty, and you’re not making a mistake.” “Thanks Shabhira. Look, that thing I said, back at the cabin. I was wrong. You are my friend.” “I know Kitty. I know.”
“And you are mine. But stay away from FarSeer. He’s mine too.” “I will. Ok, then… so Ubergard is going to Riverrun to meet them, Shabhira is going to prepare some ‘entertainment’. Muz-Ra, are you planning anything?” “Sure am! I’m going to bake cookies!”
“Cookies? What, are you going to try to poison them?!” “No one can kill someone who gave them cookies. It’s against all the conventions of war.” “Worth a shot I guess.” “Kitty,” Shabhira said admiringly to the worried Khajiit, “I do believe Red is the smartest one of us all.” “Chocolate chip I think,” Muz-Ra said as she walked proudly to the kitchen.
Devilah was angry. “No, Sampson. She deliberately led us astray. Lucky for us we stopped by the Cathouse or we’d have gone all the way to Markarth!” “Oh yes. Those girls were SO kinda and helpful!” “I doubt they would have been if you’d have told them why we were searching for Kitty. You should take my advice more often.”
“It is curious how everyone seems to like her so much,” Sampson mused. “Do you think maybe she’s not the arch-assassin you imagined?” “Of course not. That’s just what an arch-assassin would make you think. So clever you think you are, my nemesis. But your cleverness will not save you!”
“So I guess it’s on to Whiterun and the Tails of the Khajiit publisher then?” “Yes. They may be unaware that they have been harboring a mass-murderer, but ignorance of the law is no excuse!” “Ignorance… yes…” muttered Devilah. “What I don’t understand is why they would open a soup kitchen so far from the city.”
“Soup kitchen? What on earth are you talking about?” “The Cathouse. Those darling cherubs would rival you in their generosity to feed the poor, but they really should have set up their soup kitchen inside of Markarth itself. As it is, they say their customers only come at night.” “Oh no… Sampson… really? A Soup Kitchen? I said it was a brothel!” “Yes. That such virtues still exist in this land gives me hope for Justice’s final victory!”
“DEVILAH! I told you last time, you can’t just grab me like that!” “I’m sorry Sampson, sometimes I need to remember why I still hang around you. At times I forget.” “Don’t lose heart, fair companion. The journey has been long and hard, I know. Yet now, the final goal is in sight.We cannot give up hope now when the taste of victory is so close!” “It was long and hard for sure! But I’m not giving up hope yet. I’m confident I shall have a taste soon too. Very soon.”
Later that evening found the pair settling in for the night inside the Sleeping Giant Inn. “So, perhaps the Khajiit witch wasn’t lying after all. Our quarry has, in fact, moved into a castle! Maybe she just had the location wrong.” “Could be. At least we won’t need to go to that Tails place. But it’s late. We’ll storm the gates in the morning, right?” “Yes… Beware, foul assassin, your doom approaches!”
“Devilah?” “Yes, my master?” “Your hand…” “Oh, yes. It was cold. I’m just warming it up a bit.” “Devilah, you’re fondling me.” “Oh? Oh, I’m so sorry Sampson. You are just so warm there…” “Devilah.” “Yes Sampson?” “You’re still doing it. Sleep in the bedroll.” “Yes Sampson,” said Devilah with a heavy sigh.

Sampson and Devilah #8

Ubergard was standing over her when Kitty’s eyes opened the next morning. “Yes? What is it Uber?” “You have a visitor.” “This early?” “It’s Mrs. FarSeer. She seems to have something urgent to tell you.” “Shabhira? I haven’t seen her since… Oh for god’s sake Ubergard, I’m no princess that needs you to guard her bedroom door. Send her in!”
“What is it Shabhira, is something wrong with FarSeer?” “No Kitty, nothing like that. But last night two strangers came to the cabin. One a huge human warrior in steel plate armor. His servant was a Khajiit female. They’re looking for you Kitty. They mean to kill you!” “WHAT? For heaven’s sake, WHY?” “They mentioned the Dark Brotherhood. They think you’re one of them. Apparently they think you’re WORSE than them. The big one, Sampson, says he killed the whole lot and he found something that mentioned you and the Tails there. I think I may have bought you a day or two; I sent them to Markarth. But he’ll figure it out soon enough. Actually, he probably won’t, but SHE will. His partner looks… sharp. And he thinks you’re the last one. Kitty, what is he talking about? I’ve never asked you anything about your past, but… the Dark Brotherhood?”
Kitty looked away, thinking for a moment. Then turned back to the messenger. “Ubergard, can you round up Red for me? I think we all need to talk. We’ll be in the dining area off the main hall.” “Certainly. We’ll be there in 10 minutes,” Ubergard replied and left the room with a worried expression. “Damn. I guess it couldn’t stay secret forever,” Kitty sighed as she got her clothes out of the drawer.
All were gathered around the table shortly afterwards. “Girls, I have to tell you a story. Don’t worry, I’ll keep it short. But it seems my past is coming back to haunt me. Actually to be precise, coming back to kill me.” “What? YOU? Why?” asked Muz-Ra. “Shabhira, tell them what you told me.”
When she had finished, Kitty continued, “So it looks like some sort of Hero has decided to go on the warpath against the Dark Brotherhood. If his story is to be believed, he’s alrady wiped them out. For my part, I say ‘good riddance!’. But he’s apparently linked me to them and thinks I’m the worst of the lot. He’s on his way here, and if he really killed all the Dark Brotherhood, he’s formidable.” “But Kitty, surely you weren’t…” “I was, Red.”
“An assassin? Kitty, I’m sorry, but if that is so I must tender my resignation immediately. I cannot abide any association with assassins,” Ubergard responded with a resolute stance.
“I understand, and will accept Uber. But at least let me finish first. I was a member of the Dark Brotherhood. For about a month. I’ve always been very good at stealth and I was hoping they could teach me more. I lied to get into the group, but no one leaves the Dark Brotherhood. I did learn a bit more, but I was already better than they were anyway. Then they wanted me to go on an assignment. They sent me out with another assassin as training, but I knew I’d never murder anyone like that. Instead, I foiled the planned assassination and ran away. I’ve been running ever since. Fat lot of good it did, their target was killed the next night anyway.” “So, you never actually…” “No. And it was stupid. But I was young and going through a Goth phase. I thought it would be cool. I was very, very wrong.”
“But how would the Brotherhood have connected you with the Tails?” Muz-Ra asked. “I have no idea. But it doesn’t matter how or why, the fact is that these two are coming, and they’re not going to stop.” “What are you going to do?” “I could run, I suppose. But it was so much easier to do when I didn’t have any friends. Now… I don’t think I want to do that.”
“You could appeal to the Jarl. Have him send guards?” suggested Ubergard. “And have him fight the man who eliminated the Dark Brotherhood? Against a Khajiit who admittedly was a member? If he knew that, the Jarl would probably send guards to protect HIM!” “Good point. And you’re probably right. H has made serious inroads into the bigotry here in Whiterun, but THIS would turn that all around. H can’t help either or his whole operation would be at risk.”
“No, I’ve either got to run, or stand my ground and hope I can reason with him.” “I’ll stand with you, Kitty. I’ve known you long enough, I know you’re no assassin,” Muz-Ra said with a determined smile. “Me too Kitty. After all you did for me, I will do what I can. I’m going to spend the day gathering some ingredients. I have some… interesting things to make,” Shabhira decided. “And what about you, Ubergard? I’ll understand if you want to resign.” “I’m leaving,” said the giantess, turning and walking away.

Sampson and Devilah #7

Meanwhile, Sampson and Devilah had made camp just off the road to Markarth… “A castle. We must be cautious when we get there. The fiend will have minions. They always do.” “I’m sure they do. Say, it’s kind of cold out here. Can I snuggle in with you just for tonight?” “Devilah, how many times must I tell you? My vow is inviolate. I know how much you want to thank me for my kindness, but it will have to wait. It’s a pity you have such sensitive fur that you can’t wear something warmer. Now go to sleep, we must get an early start in the morning.” Devilah sighed. “Alright. Well, goodnight master.”
Soon Devilah heard his heavy breathing and rose from her mat and sat before the fire. “You there?” “Eternally,” said a small voice from within the flames. “No luck yet. He’s killed all the Brotherhood but still insists on his vow.” “The vow of his kind is a hard thing to break.” “He’s a clod, but he’s my clod. How’s things down there?”
“The Master is still busy in Cyrodil. But the Good/Evil meter for Skyrim swung even farther to the Good today It’s only a matter of time before he notices, Devilah.” “Damn. I’m going to get in trouble aren’t I?” “I’ve told you that from the beginning! Look, Sweet, you know I’m fond of you. But I’m beginning to question your allegiance. Your pursuit of this ‘clod’ has caused far more Good than Evil. I just don’t think you’re looking at the big picture.”
“You don’t really think I’m going to abandon him NOW do you? He must be so pent up he’s about to burst! Besides, how Evil do you think this Black Cat person can possibly be? The loss of one more surely won’t make any difference.” “Now that you mention it, I’ve looked her up. She’s not even IN the Evil column! He’s chasing a Good!”
“Well, there you go. If he kills her, that can only help bolster my case, right?” “I suppose. But I’m still worried about that Sword. It’s blurred in my sight. It must be enchanted in some way, and we still don’t know what that is.” “Seems normal enough to me. Cut through those assassins like butter!” “Even so… Be careful Devilah. Your personal meter seems to be swinging awfully close to Good too. Your actions have resulted in Net Good all across Skyrim you know!”
“That’s why I’m up here and you’re down there. I just need a little more time. We’ll find this Black Cat and then he will succumb.” “For your sake, I hope so. I wouldn’t want to have to subject you to an Intervention.” “ That is not in my plan. Now go back to your meters. I’ll be in touch again as soon as I can. Devilah out.”
The cat returned to her mat and pulled an intriguingly shaped instrument from it. Thumbing a recessed button on the base, it began to hum. She looked towards the sleeping hulk and then back to the device and considered. Then she passed a hand over the device and it grew a bit larger. “Looks like it’s just you and me again tonight, Mr. Sparky. Don’t let me down!”
“Oh Sampson, Oh SAMPSON!” she cried some time later, though the object of her passion only shifted and grunted before turning over in his sleep.
>Suddenly the instrument went silent. “What? Now?! NO! Not now! I was almost there!” she cried, shaking it with all her might. The plastic simulacrum gave a final hum and stopped again. “Oh goddammit. My last battery too. There’ll be no more of those in this plane!”
Devilah looked at the big man, now snoring heavily, as she lay back down. Though she would have said it was impossible, in fact a very small – almost microscopic – tear fell from her eye.

Sampson and Devilah #5

“I think you must be the single most charitable person I know, Devilah! You must have been in there two hours! Did you clean his plumbing around the whole house?” “Around the world would be a more apt description,” Devilah replied, rubbing her rump. “He’s insatiable! Must be a Furry!” Behind them, Kalolf was on his knees, still begging Devilah to marry him. “I only wish I could have spared you and allowed you to stay with him. But you know you are precious to me, my long suffering Beatrice.” The Khajiit, walking somewhat bow-legged, looked at the hulking hero. “That’s… actually nice of you to say!” she smiled. “Well, at last we have a name… Kitty.”
“You seem to be walking oddly. Perhaps you would like some relief?” “ Now you ask me to ride? I don’t even think I can sit! Kalolf may look like a pudgy middle-aged man, but I tell you he has the stamina of a lion!” “Oh no. I was going to stop to let Horse rest. You know I must ride. I must maintain my strength…” “Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Devilah finished for him. “I know, I know. Fucking lazy prick,” she said trailing off.
Nightfall found the hero and the Khajiit walking back from Falkreath. “A pity we turned down the wrong road. I think we could have been in Whiterun tonight.” “Hey, you fucking turned! I thought you read the signpost!” “Nonsense, I just followed the arrow.” “There were lots of arrows on that sign you dolt! I swear, if you weren’t such a hunk…”
“Hush! Did you hear that?” asked Sampson. A howl from the hills behind them stopped Sampson is his tracks. He immediately dismounted and tied Horse up to a nearby tree, out of sight of the road. “Werewolf,” he stated, “We must investigate.” “Figures.” whined Devilah, unheard.
“It came from that cabin ahead!” Sampson whispered. “You know, we could just pass on by. That’s what normal people do. Or run.” the hero’s partner suggested. “I am Lawbringer, the hand of Justice. Evil is my foe, in any form. The maw of the werewolf shall not escape my blade!” “Okay, okay! Quiet down! How you’ve stayed alive all this time I don’t know. Well, actually I do…”
“Wait here, dear companion and I shall vanquish the evil creature!” “Be my guest! Your funeral.” As Sampson approached the door, he heard another voice within. A female voice. With Sword drawn, he crept across the threshold.
Suddenly the air was filled with a stench the likes of which he had never smelled before. It seemed to surround him and bind itself to him. “Gotcha!” cried the voice he had heard before. He whirled around, blade before him, other hand to his nose, to see a Khajiit head in the side window looking at him. “State your business or regret your life, thief!” “My pardon, but I am no thief,” he choked. “We heard a werewolf. Was that you?” “Oh, no. That’s just my husband, FarSeer. He’s such a baby. I was picking burrs out of his pelt.” Behind the head, Sampson now perceived a dark coat of fur heaving in pain.
“Ok, FarSeer. That’s enough for now. But please take the trash out. I’ve asked you twice today already.” The whimper from the dark form was just about as un-werewolfly as it could be. “Please lady, can you do anything about this stink?!” “Oh, sure. FarSeer, after you take the trash out, there’s a grocery list on the table. Would you drop into Falkreath and pick those up for me?” The answering whimper contained a note of resigned acceptance.
“That’s a good boy!” the Khajiit ruffled the huge werewolf’s fur as he shuffled past, carrying the list and heading down the path. Now, as for you Mr…“ "Sampson. I am called Sampson, Lawbringer and Hand of…” “Ok Mr. Sampson. Take off that armor and any underclothes you have on. Those will need to soak for a couple of hours.” “Naked? You ask the Son of Justice to expose himself here?!” “Oh. A shy one are you? Oh, you’re going to LOVE the ointment!” “Is it really necessary?”
“Only if you don’t want to smell like that for the rest of your life. Totally your choice. Now, you said ‘we’ earlier. You have partners?” “May I present to you my faithful companion, Devilah!” The Khajiit came up from the road, laughing heartily. “Go on Sampson. Drop those drawers. Let’s see the goods!”

Sampson and Devilah #4

“I really don’t see why you even bought this place, Kitty. Don’t you think it’s a little over-the-top?” “Well, at least no one bothers me in here. And do you know, I’ve made more money from the farms and the tenants that come with the castle than I ever dreamed! It won’t be long at this rate till my investment is completely recovered!” “And the leaseholders do like you, that’s a plus. I guess the old landlord must have been pretty harsh.” “That’s what they say. A real bloodsucker.”
“Ah, Ubergard! Come in! Sit down and eat with us. We have a plate all ready for you. So what’s been going on at the Tails?” “All is well. The new guards are proving competent. In fact, I’ve promoted K’riss to take my place permanently now. I will just drop in on them to make sure they keep up my standards.” “Well, I do thank you for everything Uber. It will be a lot more comforting to know you’re around. Red and I get a little lonely in this place all by ourselves.” “What about your bat problem?” “I had a man out from Whiterun earlier this morning,” Muz-Ra replied, “He claims they’re all gone now.”
“Oh, this looks quite good Red! You are becoming quite the chef,” said the big Argonian. “Well, I don’t know about that, but I know my way around a kitchen by now. Oh, Kitty, did you see the new issue of Tails that came out?”
“Yeah! Isn’t Cheetah making a splash? This is her third feature in a row!” Ubergard gulped down a healthy portion of steak before replying, “H thinks she’s getting as popular as Udaran!” “Any rivalry there? They did seem to be a happy couple. I’d hate to think this might get in the way.” “Udaran might be feeling a bit hurt. She’s pretty prideful of her status there you know. But it can’t last forever.” “No, I guess not.”
“Are you going in town tonight Kitty?” asked Muz-Ra. “Yeah, later. Mikael is back and I promised I’d dance again.” “I don’t know why you do it, Kitty. Surely you don’t need the gold anymore?” “No, I certainly don’t. But I enjoy it. Besides, Mikael is fun to be around.” “Are you two… close?” “Not like that. Just physically. He’s never going to settle down, and I really don’t want him to. But it’s nice to have a man appreciate you now and again.” “Hmph,” Ubergard grunted, disapprovingly. “Well, for some of us anyway.”
Muz-Ra sighed. “What?” asked Kitty, concerned. “What about your guard friend? Aren’t you two still…” “His wife found out.” “WIFE? You never said he was married!” “I didn’t know he was! …Men,” Muz-Ra sighed again, adding “She doesn’t know it was me, but he said we had to call it off. She thinks it’s some girl in the Whiterun market. She’d probably be horrified to know he was with an Argonian!”
“Well at least it wasn’t a Khajiit!” Ubergard smiled at Kitty. “Well no, ANYTHING is better than that!” agreed Muz-Ra, played along. Kitty laughed, then a thought occurred to her. “Hey, wanna play gargoyle again?”
Kitty burped. “Ah! I’m stuffed. Thanks again Red!” “You want me to clean up?” “No, I’ll do it later. With only the two of us… oops! I mean THREE now that Ubergard’s here! We need to share the chores. I’ll do my part.”
“Well thanks Kitty, but I don’t think you really understand this whole Employer/Employee relationship thing very well. Say Uber, want to go to the archery range later?” “I don’t know why. You always trounce me.” “That’s why! You should learn to shoot better anyway.”
“Hey! Did you see that? A shooting star!” the little Khajiit exclaimed laughing. “I saw it. Do you suppose it means something?” “They’re supposed to be good omens I think,” said Ubergard. “Something good must be coming our way,” Muz-Ra surmised.

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