Queen Muz-Ra #2

“Wait, let me get this straight. It’s inside their butt?” “Well… kinda… I mean, it’s not… It’s like your liver is inside your belly, but it’s not in your stomach.” “Ah. Next time I split one open, I’ll keep an eye out for it. But that still doesn’t make sense. Besides, I don’t want people stimulating my liver!” Kitty shrugged. “I don’t know if all of them do. Well… I don’t know! I haven’t got one! I’m sorry Uber, I’m not very good at explaining it.”
“Oh, and it’s worse than that Uber,” Muz-Ra added, gleefully delighting in the disgusted look coming over the big Argonian’s features. “They think we should like it too!” “Ok. That’s it. There’s just no getting around it. Males are just weird,” Ubergard declared flatly. Kitty and Muz-Ra looked at each other seriously for a moment and had to nod. “That’s a fact,” Kitty acknowledged.
“And you both like them that way?” Once again the two looked at each other, this time with big grins. “Oh yes!” Kitty admitted proudly. “Then you’re just as weird. Come on, let’s go in,” Ubergard commanded, deciding the conversation was over.
Upon entering the tavern, Kitty was delighted to see her friend Cheetah, from the Tails, inside as well as her lover, the bard Mikael. “Cheetah!” she called out, giving the fellow Khajiit a fierce hug. “Kitty! Red! Uber! Glad to see you here tonight!” Cheetah said, cheerfully to her old friends. “Well if it isn’t the hottest Khajiit in Skyrim. Good to see you again Chee!” said Muz-Ra. “You too Red,” she said, then turned back to Kitty.
“Well! How’s life as Royalty treating you?” asked Cheetah, escorting her friends to an open bench by the fire. “Oh, pretty good. Though having money doesn’t exactly make you Royalty in Skyrim you know.” Cheetah shrugged, “Maybe not officially, but i doesn’t hurt either! How’s it holding out? Your gold I mean.” Kitty drew her friend close, not wanting to talk about money too openly. “To be honest Chee, I’ve got more now than I had when I bought the castle!”
“No… really? I guess it’s true! The rich get richer!” Kitty shrugged. “Only if they have good advisors. Or get damn lucky!” “Advisors? Who is your advisor?” “Who do you think? H!”
Cheetah nodded, “Smart. Say, are you dancing for Mikael tonight?” “Not officially, though I might just for fun. So how are you and Udaran getting along?” Cheetah’s expression changed. “Not well. I think we’re still together, but we haven’t been talking. Sort of an argument. I said something stupid.”
“Ah. And you’re here to get away for a bit.” “Yeah. I needed a chance of scenery for a night. Say, wanna dance?” “Later. I really need to go talk to Mikael for a minute.” “How about you Red? Want to swing your tail around with me a bit?” “Sure!” Muz-Ra replied enthusiastically.
Muz-Ra and Cheetah then took to the floor while the other patrons watched and clapped, while Kitty went to meet her friend Mikael.
While the two were occasional lovers, both understood that it was a very informal relationship. Kitty may not have been as world-wise as the bard, but she knew instinctively that, in his line of work, monogamy was unlikely. But still, as a ‘friend with benefits’, Kitty thought he was nice to have around until she met someone else, and he was always unfailingly cheerful. So she played the game she often played with him while he was working that she called “Distract the Bard!”.

Sampson and Devilah #14 pt 2

“The Sword of St. Michael. It must be!” Devilah said in wonder. “Who’s Michael?” asked Kitty. “What’s a Saint?” asked Muz-Ra. “It’s the legendary sword of St. Michael,” Devilah explained. “No, even that’s not right. It’s beyond legendary. No mortal alive knows of it. It’s not even from this universe! It cuts through the wicked as if they were… butter. But it will not pierce the skin of any soul whose destiny lies with the Good. Sampson, you’ve been wielding the sword of St. Michael!”
“What’s a Universe?” asked Sampson.
“Wait,” Muz-Ra said, scratching her head. "If no mortal knows about it then, how do you…“ But Devilah was walking towards the throne now, and seemed to be growing with every step. "Your quest is ended, Sampson. Your vow is complete.”
“Yes,” said the stunned hero, “it is.” Kitty began backing away, none too sure what was happening but very sure she didn’t want to be at the center of it.
“It is time Sampson,” said Devilah, her outfit suddenly changing into something far different. Sampson could only stare at the approaching and growing figure, now sprouting wings. “An Angel!” he cried, falling to his knees.
“Goddammit,” Devilah said stopping in mid-air. Do these LOOK like angel wings you idiot?“ "Well, now that you mention it…”
“I’m a Succubus. Are you blind? And I’ve waited quite long enough for you, Sampson. It’s time for you to do your duty! Fuck me now!”
“In front of everyone?” “Which word did you not understand? I don’t give a rat’s ass!” Devilah shouted, waving her hand to one side which instantly removed Sampson’s armor as he sat naked before her.
“But… but…” “Normally I’d say no till the second date, but it’s been a long wait, so sure! If that’s what you want,” smiled the Succubus evilly.

Sampson and Devilah #14 pt. 1

“Ok, Sampson. You have me now. I am helpless. If you absolutely insist on killing me, you can do so. But know that if you do, you are killing an innocent person.”
“I…” Sampson stammered. “But… I have to! It’s my quest! I have to complete it.” “If you took out the Dark Brotherhood, I’d say you already have,” Muz-Ra said, coming out from the dining area. “Oh, he definitely got rid of them!” Devilah said, brushing crumbs off her breasts as she followed.
“Then you’re done. You’ve been done for days. Your quest is over. Your vow is complete!” Kitty implored. “No! Your glamour is wasted. Die now BLACK CAT!” And with that battle cry, Sword swung in a fast arc at waist level, impossible to duck or jump over. Kitty had just enough time to realize what was happening before the blade struck her square in the chest.
“ NO!!!” cried Muz-Ra, far too late. “ SAMPSON! STOP!” cried Devilah, just as late.
And the sword…
…bounced off.
His hands expecting the thunk of metal on flesh, Sampson was unprepared for the immediate and complete cessation of movement as Sword seemed to strike hardened steel. The reaction threw Sword completely out of his hands as it clattered to the stone floor. Momentarily the scene was frozen as Kitty looked down, prepared to see the horror of a blade deep in her torso.
Both Muz-Ra and Devilah were trying to comprehend what they were seeing and Sampson stood stunned, looking at the sword now uselessly resting on the floor and glowing a bright blue.
“What the hell?” came from all four simultaneously. Sampson looked at Kitty. Kitty looked at Sampson, then shrugged. “Really? You didn’t do that?”
“Not me! I thought I was dead!” As the glow began to fade from the blade, Devilah was the only one who could understand what had happened…

Sampson and Devilah #13

As they entered the castle, Sampson and Devilah were greeted by the sight of a long hallway, at the far end of which sat a throne upon a raised dias. A dark figure sat upon the throne, clad all in black.
Devilah’s eyes scanned the surroundings while Sampson’s were fixed upon the figure ahead. When no apparent danger presented itself, Sampson strode towards the throne. “At last, we meet Kitty… or should I call you The Black Cat?!” “And you must be Sampson. What have you done to my friends?”
“Your giant Argonian lay unconscious in Riverwood when last I saw her.” “And Shabhira?” Sampson looked uncertainly to Devilah. “Oh relax. She’s just asleep.” “She’d better be. Come forward, although I doubt I could stop you from doing that anyway.”
As they passed the outer hallway, they were struck by the smell of baked cookies. “What on earth is that!?” cried Devilah. “What fiendish trap is this, assassin?” “That,” said Muz-Ra stepping out from a side passage, “is Chocolate Chip.”
“Cookies? You think to stop us with cookies?” roared Sampson. “What’s a cookie?” asked Devilah, stepping up to Muz-Ra. “Mostly flour, butter and sugar – though these have these little chocolate bits.” “Now hold on a minute,” Devilah cautioned Sampson. “They do smell awfully good.” “Try one. I think you’ll like them. Don’t worry, they’re not poisoned or anything. Here, pick one and I’ll eat it first.”
“Trickery. Devilah, don’t do it!” “Oh, lighten up Sampson. Just one surely can’t hurt,” she replied, then turning back to Muz-Ra, added “No need for that, Argonian. I trust you,“ said Devilah as she gingerly took a nice big cookie from the plate proffered. "Why thank you! I’ve got milk to go with it over at the table right there.” “Oh! Sampson, you’ve got to try one! They’re really good! I’ve never had these before. What’s your name?” “I’m Muz-Ra but everyone just calls me Red. And you?”
“I am Devilah. Very glad to meet you Red! These are just delicious. I don’t eat much I’m afraid, so this is new to me. But I must say, some milk would be just the thing.” “Well come back here with me. I promise there are no traps or hidden guards waiting to pounce. I just couldn’t carry the plate AND the milk…” “Sampson, wait just a couple minutes for me would you? I’ll be right back.” “ Devilah, no! Can’t you see it’s a trick?” “Sampson, I’m an unusually good judge of character. There is no deceit here. Maybe a bit of distraction, but your quest can wait.” “ No! No more waiting! Say your prayers, assassin. Your life ends here!” “Oh dear. Sorry Red. Looks like they’ll have to wait.“ "That’s a pity. I had chocolate milk waiting too.” “ *CHOCOLATE* milk? Oh to hell with Sampson, lead on Chef!” And Red led Devilah back to the waiting snack.
Sampson watched in horror as she left. “DEVILAH! Come back!” “Hold your horses, I’ll be there in 5 minutes, tops. Besides, I’m just right here.” Sampson then turned his gaze back to the throne, but it lay empty. “Curse you Cat! Where are you hiding?”
A voice seemed to come from everywhere as he climbed the dias, looking around desperately. “What, you expect me to just sit still while you kill me? Look, Sampson. I was in the Brotherhood. But I left when they were going to make me kill someone! I didn’t have the stomach for it. I may have done some bad things in my life, but I’ve never assassinated anyone!”
“Well, there was that one guy in Helgen,” Muz-Ra suggested, stepping out from the dining area. “Hey, that was in battle. That’s different,” said Kitty, crawling out from behind the throne. Then she looked up at the hulking brute glaring down at her with murder in his eyes. “Oops,” she said.

Sampson and Devilah #12

“Nay. She fought bravely and honorably. Her death would bring no good to the world.” “And what of her last words? Would you consider relenting from your goal?” “Never. The Khajiit must die. But we should be off before she wakes. To kill such as her would bring dishonor to my name, and short of death she surely will try and thwart our goal again. We know the path and the castle awaits.” “Oh, she won’t be waking up for hours… I would guess, I mean.”
“Sometimes, Devilah, I think…” “Really? When? I mean, What do you think?” “Never mind. Come, we can be at the castle by noon.”
“Certainly is imposing,” Devilah admitted. “ANYONE HOME?” called Sampson. Devilah looked at him shocked. “What in the hell are you doing?” “Announcing our presence of course.” “Ever heard of the element of surprise?” “I cannot abide elementals of any sort.”
“Sampson. Is that you?” called a distant figure up high on the walls. “Shabhira? So you are in league with the fiend!” “I’m sorry Sampson, but she’s my friend. She’s no fiend.” “I dispatched your large Argonian, I’ll dispatch you as well!” Sampson challenged. “Ubergard? Damn you human, you’d better not have hurt her!”
“I admit, she was… honorable. She lay unconscious in Riverwood when last I saw her. But she could not thwart my will, Khajiit. Your stink bombs will not stop me either.” “You think not? Let’s find out!” And with that, Shabhira hurled something green and glass-like at them.
The vial would have covered the entire entrance with it’s fumes – but oddly it came to rest unbroken, stopping at the last minute as if cushioned instead of shattering on the paving stones. “What the hell?” Shabhira blurted out. Then she recovered and began tossing multiple vials of widely diverse colors and shapes upon the intruders. All tinkled softly upon the stones as if placed there by the most delicate of hands.
“Who’s doing that?” Shabhira shouted, perplexed before spotting the telltale glow around Devilah’s hands. “Oh! Did you know your partner was a Mage, Sampson? Look at her! Look at her hands! She’s got some sort of spell protecting you! Is that how you defeat your opponents? With magic?! And you said you had honor!
Devilah let out an uncharacteristic growl and the glow from her hands changed from green to blue. "Devilah? Is it true? What are you doing back there?” As Sampson turned around, Devilah shot one hand up towards the now defenseless Khajiit. A flash of blue leapt from her outstretched hand and Shabhira fell back, no longer visible. “DEVILAH! You ARE casting magic! I saw you! What have you done to her?” “What, do you want to smell like a sewer for the rest of your life? And that assumes you’d have had a life if some of those other vials had broken! She was using magic too you know. It’s only fair!”
“Stop it Devilah! You will use no more magic while I’m on this quest, do you understand?! I will not have my honor tarnished by the use of magic! Do I make myself clear?” Devilah backed down. “Ok, ok.” “Speak no more of this, lest I banish you from my side. Let us find this Kitty and be done with this!” Devilah bowed her head in obeisance. “Yes my master.” But underneath her brow, her eyes blazed with the glow of flames.

Sampson and Devilah #11

The next morning… “Sampson! Are you…?” “Devilah! No! I… Um… it’s not… It’s just that, in the morning, see…” “Oh, I see all right! It’s just us two in here you know. That whole vow thing…” “Maybe just a little…” Sampson wavered for a moment. “No! Let’s get going Devilah. This day will see the end of that cursed vow one way or another!”
“If you say so, master.” “Devilah?” “Yes master?” “You are… beautiful.” The red-clad Khajiit just smiled and gave Sampson a kiss, and then they were off again.
“HALT!” Ubergard shouted as soon as Sampson and Devilah walked out of the Sleeping Giant. Immediately, Sampson drew his sword menacingly, though he was not unshaken by the size of the armored Argonian that stood before them, nor the evil-looking battleaxe that remained at her back. “What is this? Who are you, Argonian, and why do you oppose me?” “I would ask the same of you, warrior. What is your purpose here in this place?”
“I am Sampson, Justice-Bringer and Assassin-Bane. I come seeking vengeance for the crimes of the Dark Brotherhood!” “A noble quest, but there are no assassins here. You are entering Whiterun territory. Do you have the ear of the Jarl?” “Of course not. Why would I have his ear?” “She means, do you have his approval?” Devilah pointed out.
“Oh. Well, no. But all right-thinking aristocracy would welcome me and my quest! Are you his emissary?” Now it was the Argonian’s turn to feel uncertain. “Well, no. Not exactly. But like you I live to serve Law and Peace. I fear you would bring violence to my home.” “None to honest citizens, of that I assure you. But there is one in these lands whom I seek. A Khajiit known to the Brotherhood as The Black Cat. To you she is known as Kitty.” Ubergard could not hide her recognition of the name, and Devilah picked up on it immediately.
“Clearly you know her,” Devilah stated. “Honor my master’s geas and tell us where we can find her so that we can put an end to this quest.” “I know her. But in this I will not aid you. Kitty is not the Khajiit you believe. She was rejected by the Brotherhood because she would not take a life for gold.”
“You lie. Stand aside Argonian, or you shall suffer your evil friend’s fate, I swear by my good name!” “I will not,” Ubergard stated and drew her vicious blade. “Then have at you!” shouted Sampson and the fight began as Devilah drew aside, watching them both with flashing eyes.
——————————- An hour passed, sapping the strength of both warriors with neither scoring a decisive hit. A lull in the fighting found both heaving for breath before attempting the next lunge. “You fight well, <pant> Argonian. Surely such skill as you posess <pant> should not align itself with <pant> such as this Black Cat! But you must know you are beaten. <pant> You now only defend. <pant> Look, you can barely lift your blade!”
“And you as well, human. <gasp> I have never fought against such. <gasp> You may best me yet, I cannot lie. <gasp> But if so, let my honor reach your ears. <gasp> Kitty is not your foe!” “Let fate be the judge of that!” screamed Sampson and the onslaught was renewed.
“What happened?!” Sampson cried to Devilah, nearly toppling with exhaustion. “Rest a minute, my brave fighter,” Devilah said, dousing the blue glow from her hands. “But, I didn’t even hit her at the last!” “Perhaps she fainted from sheer exhaustion. Would you dispatch her now that she lies unconscious?”

Sampson and Devilah #10

It was after midnight when Devilah stepped out into the common room and sat before the fire. “Hello?” “Devilah! At last. Things haven’t been going well down here.” “Oh no. What’s happened?” “The master is asking what’s going on in Skyrim. I had to tell him about the Brotherhood.”
“Oh shit. Does he know about me?” “Not yet. We need to keep it that way until you take your Hero too. How’s your progress?” “Almost there. We found the assassin’s location finally. This should be over tomorrow.” “About time! You’re sure you can take him after that then?”
“He protests, but he was rock-hard earlier. The only thing holding him back is his need to keep this damned vow. I really think he likes me too!” “Devilah! You’re not supposed to care if he likes you or not! All he has to do is LUST after you! Sentiment shouldn’t be any part of it. For heaven’s sake, that might lead to the L word if you’re not careful!” “I know, I know. But he’s… so sweet sometimes. I know he lusts after me already. He just denies it.” “Are you quite sure you’re still playing on our team Devilah? I swear if I lose my position, I’m going to hunt you down to the ends of the earth. An Intervention will be the least of your worries!”
“Oh, calm down flame-girl. He’ll take me tomorrow after we finish off this ‘Kitty’ and then I’ll have him. Even better if she turns out to be a Good. He’ll feel all sad and angsty and conflicted. The master will give you an award if we manage this.” “Hey, where are you? You’re in a tavern? Are mortals hearing us?!” “Relax, I lobbed a time-bomb. They’re in stasis,” Devilah said, climbing atop one of the patrons as proof.
“Oh. Well, that’s better. Ok. I expect I’ll know when he’s ours then?” “The Heavens will shake with our climax!” “They’d better.” “Um… hey… can I ask a favor?”
“What is it this time?” “I… need some batteries.” “Batteries? For what?” “Um… personal needs.” “You brought a vibrator?”
“Well… yeah. It gets lonely waiting for Stud to come around. You disapprove?” “No way! I only wish I’d of thought of that when I was up there! Way to think ahead! But you said you should have him very soon, right?” “Yeah but, well, he’s not experienced with females at all. He probably won’t know how to do me right, you know? Till I get him trained anyway.” “Ah. That’s true. He’ll probably burst before he gets inside.”
“So… those batteries?” “I’ll get them to you somehow. What size? AA?” “No. D. Four of them.” “Oh my god, what have you got up there? Industrial strength jackhammer?!” “Hey, I’ve got needs you know? And we are created to be robust!”
“That we are, Devilah, that we are. Four D cells coming right up.” “Copper top?” “Hey, don’t get picky, Sweet.” “Wish me luck tomorrow. One Hero is worth a hundred you said, right?” “Good luck Devilah! I’m counting on you. Yup. 1 to 100 ratio and he’s a prime catch at that.” “Ok. Devilah out.”
“Damn. It’s not working,” thought Devilah when she returned to their room. “I need Mr. Sparky. Or better yet, you, my cute Industrial Strength Jackhammer. I better just go to sleep I guess.”

Sampson and Devilah #9

“You misunderstand. I’m leaving to go to Riverwood. But only because I want to talk with this warrior. I assume he will be going through there. But no, I rescind my resignation. If I must, I will fight for you Kitty.” “Oh thank you Uber. Thank you all! You know, I really don’t know if I’m even doing the right thing here. Frankly, I can run. I’m damn good at running and hiding. If any of you get hurt, I’ll feel really stupid for this.”
“But if you ran, we’d lose our friend. I’ve seen the guy. He’s a dimwit, but he’s a persistent dimwit. We’d never see you again. I think I speak for us all when I say, you are worth fighting for. We’re with you Kitty, and you’re not making a mistake.” “Thanks Shabhira. Look, that thing I said, back at the cabin. I was wrong. You are my friend.” “I know Kitty. I know.”
“And you are mine. But stay away from FarSeer. He’s mine too.” “I will. Ok, then… so Ubergard is going to Riverrun to meet them, Shabhira is going to prepare some ‘entertainment’. Muz-Ra, are you planning anything?” “Sure am! I’m going to bake cookies!”
“Cookies? What, are you going to try to poison them?!” “No one can kill someone who gave them cookies. It’s against all the conventions of war.” “Worth a shot I guess.” “Kitty,” Shabhira said admiringly to the worried Khajiit, “I do believe Red is the smartest one of us all.” “Chocolate chip I think,” Muz-Ra said as she walked proudly to the kitchen.
Devilah was angry. “No, Sampson. She deliberately led us astray. Lucky for us we stopped by the Cathouse or we’d have gone all the way to Markarth!” “Oh yes. Those girls were SO kinda and helpful!” “I doubt they would have been if you’d have told them why we were searching for Kitty. You should take my advice more often.”
“It is curious how everyone seems to like her so much,” Sampson mused. “Do you think maybe she’s not the arch-assassin you imagined?” “Of course not. That’s just what an arch-assassin would make you think. So clever you think you are, my nemesis. But your cleverness will not save you!”
“So I guess it’s on to Whiterun and the Tails of the Khajiit publisher then?” “Yes. They may be unaware that they have been harboring a mass-murderer, but ignorance of the law is no excuse!” “Ignorance… yes…” muttered Devilah. “What I don’t understand is why they would open a soup kitchen so far from the city.”
“Soup kitchen? What on earth are you talking about?” “The Cathouse. Those darling cherubs would rival you in their generosity to feed the poor, but they really should have set up their soup kitchen inside of Markarth itself. As it is, they say their customers only come at night.” “Oh no… Sampson… really? A Soup Kitchen? I said it was a brothel!” “Yes. That such virtues still exist in this land gives me hope for Justice’s final victory!”
“DEVILAH! I told you last time, you can’t just grab me like that!” “I’m sorry Sampson, sometimes I need to remember why I still hang around you. At times I forget.” “Don’t lose heart, fair companion. The journey has been long and hard, I know. Yet now, the final goal is in sight.We cannot give up hope now when the taste of victory is so close!” “It was long and hard for sure! But I’m not giving up hope yet. I’m confident I shall have a taste soon too. Very soon.”
Later that evening found the pair settling in for the night inside the Sleeping Giant Inn. “So, perhaps the Khajiit witch wasn’t lying after all. Our quarry has, in fact, moved into a castle! Maybe she just had the location wrong.” “Could be. At least we won’t need to go to that Tails place. But it’s late. We’ll storm the gates in the morning, right?” “Yes… Beware, foul assassin, your doom approaches!”
“Devilah?” “Yes, my master?” “Your hand…” “Oh, yes. It was cold. I’m just warming it up a bit.” “Devilah, you’re fondling me.” “Oh? Oh, I’m so sorry Sampson. You are just so warm there…” “Devilah.” “Yes Sampson?” “You’re still doing it. Sleep in the bedroll.” “Yes Sampson,” said Devilah with a heavy sigh.

Sampson and Devilah #8

Ubergard was standing over her when Kitty’s eyes opened the next morning. “Yes? What is it Uber?” “You have a visitor.” “This early?” “It’s Mrs. FarSeer. She seems to have something urgent to tell you.” “Shabhira? I haven’t seen her since… Oh for god’s sake Ubergard, I’m no princess that needs you to guard her bedroom door. Send her in!”
“What is it Shabhira, is something wrong with FarSeer?” “No Kitty, nothing like that. But last night two strangers came to the cabin. One a huge human warrior in steel plate armor. His servant was a Khajiit female. They’re looking for you Kitty. They mean to kill you!” “WHAT? For heaven’s sake, WHY?” “They mentioned the Dark Brotherhood. They think you’re one of them. Apparently they think you’re WORSE than them. The big one, Sampson, says he killed the whole lot and he found something that mentioned you and the Tails there. I think I may have bought you a day or two; I sent them to Markarth. But he’ll figure it out soon enough. Actually, he probably won’t, but SHE will. His partner looks… sharp. And he thinks you’re the last one. Kitty, what is he talking about? I’ve never asked you anything about your past, but… the Dark Brotherhood?”
Kitty looked away, thinking for a moment. Then turned back to the messenger. “Ubergard, can you round up Red for me? I think we all need to talk. We’ll be in the dining area off the main hall.” “Certainly. We’ll be there in 10 minutes,” Ubergard replied and left the room with a worried expression. “Damn. I guess it couldn’t stay secret forever,” Kitty sighed as she got her clothes out of the drawer.
All were gathered around the table shortly afterwards. “Girls, I have to tell you a story. Don’t worry, I’ll keep it short. But it seems my past is coming back to haunt me. Actually to be precise, coming back to kill me.” “What? YOU? Why?” asked Muz-Ra. “Shabhira, tell them what you told me.”
When she had finished, Kitty continued, “So it looks like some sort of Hero has decided to go on the warpath against the Dark Brotherhood. If his story is to be believed, he’s alrady wiped them out. For my part, I say ‘good riddance!’. But he’s apparently linked me to them and thinks I’m the worst of the lot. He’s on his way here, and if he really killed all the Dark Brotherhood, he’s formidable.” “But Kitty, surely you weren’t…” “I was, Red.”
“An assassin? Kitty, I’m sorry, but if that is so I must tender my resignation immediately. I cannot abide any association with assassins,” Ubergard responded with a resolute stance.
“I understand, and will accept Uber. But at least let me finish first. I was a member of the Dark Brotherhood. For about a month. I’ve always been very good at stealth and I was hoping they could teach me more. I lied to get into the group, but no one leaves the Dark Brotherhood. I did learn a bit more, but I was already better than they were anyway. Then they wanted me to go on an assignment. They sent me out with another assassin as training, but I knew I’d never murder anyone like that. Instead, I foiled the planned assassination and ran away. I’ve been running ever since. Fat lot of good it did, their target was killed the next night anyway.” “So, you never actually…” “No. And it was stupid. But I was young and going through a Goth phase. I thought it would be cool. I was very, very wrong.”
“But how would the Brotherhood have connected you with the Tails?” Muz-Ra asked. “I have no idea. But it doesn’t matter how or why, the fact is that these two are coming, and they’re not going to stop.” “What are you going to do?” “I could run, I suppose. But it was so much easier to do when I didn’t have any friends. Now… I don’t think I want to do that.”
“You could appeal to the Jarl. Have him send guards?” suggested Ubergard. “And have him fight the man who eliminated the Dark Brotherhood? Against a Khajiit who admittedly was a member? If he knew that, the Jarl would probably send guards to protect HIM!” “Good point. And you’re probably right. H has made serious inroads into the bigotry here in Whiterun, but THIS would turn that all around. H can’t help either or his whole operation would be at risk.”
“No, I’ve either got to run, or stand my ground and hope I can reason with him.” “I’ll stand with you, Kitty. I’ve known you long enough, I know you’re no assassin,” Muz-Ra said with a determined smile. “Me too Kitty. After all you did for me, I will do what I can. I’m going to spend the day gathering some ingredients. I have some… interesting things to make,” Shabhira decided. “And what about you, Ubergard? I’ll understand if you want to resign.” “I’m leaving,” said the giantess, turning and walking away.

Sampson and Devilah #6

“What about your husband?” asked the brave vigilante, shivering not from cold but embarrassment before the fire in nature’s finest attire after his Ointment ordeal. “Oh, he won’t mind. He’s been through that before. You’re lucky though, he got the full dose! That trap you sprang just releases a focused spray. Your armor should even be fine after another hour’s soak. Now you just sit there and let that ointment do it’s job.” “Traps. I’m… not very good at traps.” “So I saw. You know, you’re quite a specimen for a human, Mr. Sampson.” “ Hey!” Sampson shouted and closed his legs.
“Thickheaded, but in more ways than one,” suggested Devilah in a whisper. “So I also saw,” smiled Shabhira. “You’re a lucky girl!” “Someday,” said Devilah with a wistful glance at her man, “…someday”. “Oh, it’s like that is it?” Devilah nodded.
“Well, so tell me, what’s this quest you’re on. Who is this Black Cat?” “Ah, my nemesis. She is a demon, rejected even by the Dark Brotherhood. A purveyor of evil. Who knows how many lives she has snuffed out? I seek to rid the earth of her foul life!” “I see… and where are you going to find her?” “A haunt known as the Tails of the Khajiit, where she hides in plain sight. She now goes by the appellation ‘Kitty’.”
“We met a man who has seen her,” Sampson went on, “and lucky he is that he escaped with his life. She even had the audacity to pose for the smut rag openly! Oh her countenance and pride in her misdeeds will soon see an end!” “I seem to recall you were particularly affronted by that picture of her rear. You seemed to study it quite closely,” Devilah noted. “I’ve committed that heinous image to memory. When I find her, no disguise shall deceive me.” “Not if you see her from behind I guess.”
Meanwhile Shabhira’s mind was racing furiously behind her calm exterior. “Ah, yes. Perhaps I can help you! This… Kitty. She left the Tails some time ago as I understand. My poor husband had the misfortune of meeting her before he met me. I understand she now lives in a castle near Markarth. I’m sure if you go there, they’ll know how to direct you to her. She only just arrived recently and the new owner of a castle isn’t likely to go unnoticed!”
“Ma’am, you are a delight! But now I must be off! Come Devilah, there’s no time to waste! Oh, but I have no coin to pay you with for your helpful information. Perhaps, Devilah, you would like to do her a favor as you have so many others?” Devilah looked to her fellow female Khajiit, “I… don’t think she’d be interested.” “Then let us be off!” said the hero, striking his best heroic pose. The Black Cat awaits!“
"Um…” Sabhira said as she found herself staring a bit too close at Sampson’s manhood. “Sampson… your armor?” Devilah pointed out. “Oh!!! Sorry!!! Ma’am? Can I get my armor back?”
Shabhira retrieved the metalwork from a tub of greenish water. “That should be sufficient. The leather bits will still have some lingering odor, but when you replace them they’ll be fine. And you will replace them. I guarantee it.” And with that, the hero and his companion took leave of Shabhira.
Three hours later FarSeer came home to an empty cabin. He soon found a note left on the table from his wife however that read: Dear Lover, That warrior and his ‘supposed’ servant are looking for Kitty and aim to kill her! I’ve GOT to go warn her. I’m worried about him, but I think Ubergard can handle him. But that Devilah worries me, there’s something not right about her. I’ve pointed them to Markarth but at best that will only buy her a couple of days. Please don’t follow me, you know Kitty still has feelings for you and I don’t want to bring all that up again. I’ve made you dinner, it’s in the icebox. Don’t bring your buddies in the house. I have traps set if more than two feet tread the floorboards. I’ll be back in a few days. And don’t forget to drink your vegetable puree. It’s good for you. Love, Kisses and that other thing I do… Shabhira
The werewolf sniffed the air and considered following, but decided his wife was usually right, and instead went to check the icebox.

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