If anyone’s still following this…

I’m starting a new series here:

http://slutcatandsworddog.tumblr.com

I don’t EXPECT to be doing any crossover stuff with TotK, but you never know what the future may bring.

Letters to the Editor

Letters to Tails of the Khajiit

From FurFriendly in Solitude

“I’m writing to you to express my appreciation for your article on the Ta’agra language. While we converse in the common tongue of Cyrodiilic just fine, I do like to try my best to speak my lovers’ native language. However, it seems like most of the books on the subject omit any ‘sexy’ words. Imagine her surprise when I told her how much I was looking forward to reli jer zaj . To put it mildly, it got her hot very quickly! One thing I must point out though, your pronunciation guide for the word zashka’a is incorrect. Things were getting very intimate when apparently I told her how much I loved the way she licked my clouds. Once we figured out what I’d gotten wrong we had a good laugh and she proceeded to lick my clouds again. We now have a new euphemism!”

Dear FurFriendly,

We regret the mistake in our pronunciation guide. While we have experts on the Ta’agra language here, apparently our proofreaders weren’t so accurate. It was a typo that slipped through. The proper pronunciation is, as you might expect, ZASHkah-ah, not ZASHkuh-ah. Thank you for the correction and your kind words. And we sincerely wish you many more years of having your clouds licked!

From Dongs of the North in Markarth

“Do the Nords pack the biggest punch? They’re certainly ‘Shouting’ about it enough!”

Dear Dongs of the North,

For the answer to this, we asked our models for a consensus. The answer was a bit surprising. Of course, Nords are often quite bigoted against the Tailed races. To their credit, they’re pretty much bigoted against ALL races though so at least they’re consistent. However, it seems that behind closed doors the Nords are as amorous as any other race towards a finely curved female form when no eyes are watching. So in fact our models do have some words to say on the matter of which race packs the biggest ‘punch’ – if by ‘punch’ you mean sex organs.

In fact, the Nords do win this contest. But only if you exclude all male nords! The FEMALES do appear to have the largest sex organs in fact, especially if mammaries are included. However, we suspect the question was concerning male package. While our models probably don’t represent a good statistical sampling, their answers confirmed what we suspected all along. The Orsimer have that privilege in the Penile department, followed by the Argonians. But we didn’t stop there! Let’s talk testicles. In that department, the winners are the Bosmer in a landslide. The nearest were the Bretons, but by a wide margin. That being said, the Nord men did have one aspect that put them far in front of all the other races. The Nord men have by far the largest sphincters. So yes, the Nords win the Biggest Assholes award!

From SleepingWithTheFishes in Falkreath

“I am a Breton and happily married to a lovely Nord woman. However, my eyes have always strayed to the catfolk. I will never break my vow, but I am curious nonetheless. Do Khajiit women ‘feel’ different when having sex and if so, how?”

Dear SleepingWithTheFishes,

Sorry SWTF, but we love our readers and would never want to cause pain to any of them so we can’t answer your question as we feel doing so might cause you anxiety and misery, or even a divorce! Instead, just enjoy what you can from our magazine. For you, that must be sufficient. We respect your curiosity, but if you are to remain faithful, you should ask no such questions again.

From WarmSands in Falkreath

“I’m curious why so many Khajiits come to Skyrim. Isn’t it far too cold for them? Not that I MIND, you understand. But as I understand it their home province of Elseweyr is quite warm. How do they stand it here?”

Dear WarmSands,

While Elseweyr is indeed much warmer than Skyrim, the fur of the Khajiit actually lends itself to the toleration of extremes of both hot and cold – much like an insulated cup will keep a beverage cold or hot. In fact, Khajiits can tolerate the extremes of Skyrim beyond what the most hearty man or mer could! Many also are misled by the common greeting of “warm sands” by Khajiits that their ancestral home is a desert. Nothing could be further from the truth! It is a lush and semi-tropical land full of vegetation and life of all kinds. Just consider that a Nord from the coldest reaches of Skyrim would never say “may your feet walk in deep snowdrifts”. The “warm sands” greeting simply enforces the love that many Khajiit feel for their homeland, especially when in colder climes. But it does not signify in any way that they dislike the cold particularly. Our own models certainly have proven their ability to tolerate cool temperatures in the skimpy outfits we adorn them with!

As one model puts it, “I would be just fine naked in anything short of a blizzard honestly. We just wear clothes for the adornment, not for any need of heat.”

From MeadDrinker

“I notice you promote Dragon’s Breath mead often. Why is that? Do they give you money for doing that? And is it true what they say? Does it really have Khajiit pee in it?”

Dear MeadDrinker,

You are very perceptive. Indeed, the fine folks at Dragon’s Breath do give us money for promoting their products. While subscriptions keep us afloat and allow us to pay our bills, the arrangement we have with Dragon’s Breath allows the purchase of our guard and mercenary staff. In return we do mention their mead often, though only where it serves a useful purpose. We have coined a term for this interrelation between our companies we call “advertisement”. We think it has a strong future.

Also, their tagline (‘smells better than stale cat piss, and tastes somewhat better too’) along with their association with us apparently has started that rumor. While we do find their tagline humorous, it is unfortunate that this association has been made. In point of fact, a certain amount of Khajiit urine IS present in Dragon’s Breath mead (less than 5% by volume), but it is there specifically for fermentation purposes and does not contribute in any way to the flavor or aroma of that fine beverage.

While on this subject, it’s probably best to go ahead and mention that we are in discussions with Dragon’s Breath to market specialty brews that contain the urine of specific Tails models. The Udaran Special will be out next month to test-market this product. If successful, we intend to expand these specialty brews with our other Khajiit models. Unfortunately, Argonian urine doesn’t contain the same properties to aid fermentation so our plans to market Argonian based brews will likely be discontinued, unless demand for Muz-Ra Pale Ale is successful.

From DesperateInMorthal in Morthal

“How would you recommend meeting a Khajiit woman? I am DEFINITELY attracted to them, but it seems none live around here.”

Dear Desperate,

We feel your pain Desperate. Most Khajiit like to live in company with other Khajiits though, which is really pretty normal for all races. Your best bet would be in one of the larger towns, especially those that are visited routinely by the Khajiit caravans. However, in your name also lies one of your biggest problems. Khajiit are no different than other races in that they are turned off by desperation. You won’t get someone to marry you by trotting at their heels and licking their feet all the time! They first look for confidence, ability, humor and charisma just like most females of any race. You also have the disadvantage of NOT being a Khajiit. It’s a simple fact that most Khajiits fall in love with other Khajiits, so honestly you would need to be an exceptional man.

So work on that – work on being exceptional. Regardless of your destined soul mate’s race, that will be more important than anything else. While we, of course, love our Khajiit models and celebrate their sexy look, there’s so much more to finding the right person to mate for life than that. Work on yourself. Become not-desperate. When you become a person everyone looks up to, the Khajiits will look up to you as well.

From Fleabitten in Rorikstead

“I have begun dating a Khajiit woman who comes by every few weeks in a Caravan. We have an awesome time and I may ask her to marry me soon. It’s not even the sex, though that is great. She’s just great fun to be around and we laugh together so easily. There’s just one problem… My house has fleas now! It never did before. I like her so much, but the fleas get even worse when she’s gone! Do you have any recommendations?”

Dear Fleabitten,

First, I do not blame you for not knowing this (though it’s been said before within these pages in past issues), but Khajiits simply Do Not Have Fleas. Or lice. Or any of a host of vermin that are commonly associated with the common dog or housecat. The mistake you make is a common one, but – though we say it repeatedly and often – Khajiits ARE NOT CATS.

Obviously there is some relationship, but they simply are not. One of the most striking differences is that Khajiits have a natural scent that is abhorrent to fleas as well as most all other parasites that normally live in fur. Fortunately most people LOVE that natural Khajiit scent. Some even suggest it is an aphrodisiac. Having a Khajiit in your house is honestly one of the best known ways to RID it of fleas! Her scent won’t kill them, but they don’t like it and they will (pardon the pun) flee the area if given the chance. And all that ignores the simple fact that Khajiits LOVE to bathe. They may be the cleanest race in Tamriel. (Admittedly this must exclude Argonians, who practically live for water!) Even your own letter indicates that they get worse when she’s not around.

No, your flea problem has come from somewhere else. Do you have any animals in the house? The normal approach to remove these pests is still the best. Discard all bed clothing. Sweep the floors out completely and often. Scrub them as well. Flea eggs can survive for long periods so this maintenance must be kept up for at least 3 months. And, it should not need to be said, wash your clothing as well! Doing this will have a twofold effect, both beneficial… your house will be rid of fleas AND your Khajiit friend will appreciate your clean house and will have no fear of becoming your housemaid instead of your lover!

That’s it for this month’s Letters to the Editor! -H

If you have a question for us or our models, please write to us at Tails of the Khajiit in Whiterun. All letters will remain anonymous and are destroyed routinely after each issue is published. No record of your communication beyond what is published in the Tails is kept.

Krris story completed.

I’ve just completed the next story. It is 100% sexual in nature. I mean, just in-your-face sex. All I can say is I’ll try – as much as possible – to restrain myself and keep it at least as classy as a furry sex story can be.

Yeah – is that even possible?

I did set this as NSFW didn’t I? I sure hope so!

I’m still doing some Photoshopping of Prequel sketches, and I know this is yet another promise of a promise. But I actually have the whole thing written. It will be unusually short – probably about 10 posts – but still a necessary progression to finish all the shipping necessary. Poor Ubergard’s been alone too long, and that batshit-crazy Khajiit woman doesn’t count.

The story after this, I think, needs to be tragic though. I won’t say who or how, but it’s time, I’m afraid, to break up a pairing after this. It also will involve the return of Sampson, Devilah and Angel (sorry, even I forgot her name again!) into the main character’s story. But that’s AFTER HappySex story, so don’t get depressed yet! I’ll be starting on the screenshots and get a post up This Week. I make this vow here before God and all of you. I WILL get a post up within the next week. (Sometimes you gotta do stuff like this to force yourself you know!)

That picture of Katiawoman in Latex can wait, BD. This is YOUR opus, not someone else’s!

CatDance #37

Then Lurbuk began to sing again and the two bid Jonna a good night, hastening to leave the room. As they entered their own room, Jonna chided the Orc. “Cut out that screeching, Lurbuk. Our guests are trying to go to sleep.”
“We could get another room,” Mikael suggested when he saw Ubergard lying on the bed. Kitty shook her head. “No. Ubergard’s been through a lot today. Let’s stay with her. I think your balls can take a night of celibacy, don’t you?” Mikael nodded. “Yeah, the big girl could probably use some company tonight. But this time, how about you sleep in the middle? Those boobs of hers are awfully distracting.”
Ubergard woke briefly and smiled at Mikael and Kitty as they climbed into bed beside her and Kitty gave her a sympathetic hug. Before long Ubergard was snoring deeply but peacefully.
“Mikael?” Kitty whispered in his ear later. “Hmm?” “I was thinking. Jonna obviously likes you. Maybe, if we’re ever going to break apart, you should… resume your relationship.” “Sorry Kitty. I like Jonna. But I’m still in love with you. I don’t think I could if I wanted to. And I don’t want to.”
After a minute, Kitty added. “What about… with me?” Mikael snorted. “Are you suggesting a threesome Kitty? Be careful what you offer, you might get it!”
“Well, she’d certainly be up for it if she’s jerking off an Orc for thrills!” “True. And what about you? Would you be ‘up for it’ too?” Kitty considered that. Sex with a female human? She wasn’t a complete novice when it came to other females, but a human? Still, it might help break Mikael’s too-serious affection for her, and it would be a new experience… “Sure. If you want to, it might be fun.”
“Your penis seems to like the idea, she noted, feeling him.” “My penis likes a lot of ideas, but that doesn’t mean they’re good ideas!” Mikael laughed. “Thanks Kitty. I appreciate the offer, and as hard as my cock might get, I think I’d regret it later. No, I don’t think so.” Kitty laughed quietly, “Suit yourself!” and she acted like she was going to get up from the bed before Mikael pulled her back and began toying with her as she had done him.
“And those books talk about a lusty Argonian! You’re a sex fiend Kitty! You want bring in Lurbuk too?” “If I’m a sex fiend, you made me one. And sure, I’d love to get a look at him if he’s as big as Jonna says! But if she can’t handle him, he’d stuff me like a turkey.” Kitty replied laughingly, though she laid back down. In truth, she wasn’t too sure about the idea really, but if Mikael wanted to… But it was clear he really didn’t so she gave up on the idea. Instead, she snuggled up to him – assuring him, “You’re just my size. But I can’t help being curious.”
A few minutes later, after some quiet fondling, Kitty fell asleep. For his part, Mikael couldn’t quite get the image of a threesome with Kitty and Jonna out of his mind completely. Damn her planting such an idea into his head. However, his relationship with Jonna some years ago was really enough for him. She was quite the wildcat herself in bed, but that relationship was over. Their personalities had clashed as severely as their sex had proved lusty. As he lay there trying to get the images out of his mind, Ubergard’s snoring began to lull him to sleep. Before drifting off, he suddenly realized the image floating in his head was no longer of Kitty and Jonna, but Kitty and Ubergard. “Ubergard!?” he thought. “Am I really fantasizing about a three-way with a Khajiit and an Argonian now? Damn. Maybe I do need a human woman!”
But try as he might, the images kept coming back to him until finally he fell to sleep. His dreams that night were unusual to say the least. But they remained just that – a dream.

CatDance #26

Kitty was wide awake in bed while Mikael was breathing heavily next to her, obviously deep in sleep. But Kitty couldn’t sleep. Not only was the anticipation of tomorrow’s meeting with the College worrying her, now she had to deal with this too! She hoped that her rejection of Mikael’s proposal had been gentle enough. He had taken it with enough grace, but she found it hard to believe that Mikael with his free spirit ways and wandering eye could possibly be serious. And was it possible that she didn’t really want to be married yet either? Hell, did she even love him?
She turned over to look at him. With a sigh, she realized that she didn’t. He was a great companion. A hell of a bed-mate too. It wasn’t even that he was human. He had taught her that it really was the person behind the body that mattered. And she liked him. She liked him a lot! But it just didn’t cross the line into love. Not like what he meant, what he needed. She’d felt that once before, with FarSeer. She just didn’t feel it with Mikael. After this trip she would have to break up with him. It was unfair for her to do anything else just to get his attentions, especially now that he’d done this. She would miss him. But to do anything else would just be stringing him along instead of freeing him up to find another. Damn.
To top it off, she really needed some sleep tonight. “Well fuck it,” she finally thought to herself. “There’s one way I know I can get to sleep. Rise and shine big boy. It’s time to go to work!” With that she quietly removed her nightgown, turned head-to-toe and gently pulled him out of his underwear and into her mouth. He woke to a warm, wet stroking between his legs that he reflected was the best interruption of sleep he’d ever experienced. The rest followed nature’s course and, after a quick but satisfying interlude of sleepy-sex, they both drifted off.
When she awoke the next morning, Mikael was gone. She found him downstairs with Ubergard. “There you are Kitty!” Mikael said with his usual and annoying morning cheerfulness. “Good morning Mikael, Uber. Where’s Helfer?” Ubergard replied apologetically, “Still sleeping. Mikael says you won’t need me or her today?” “Not bringing Helfer?” Kitty asked Mikael. “I thought she might work as an example of how I can teach others to dance, or something like that.”
“Last night was a show, but today should be more of just a demonstration. I’d like to keep them focused on you during that part, and Helfer would just be a distraction. Besides, I’m sure Uber and Helfer would appreciate some time to explore Solitude on their own anyway.” Kitty turned to Ubergard while reaching for some breakfast treats on the table. “Yes, I think we need to talk. I’m afraid she’s getting too serious and I need to explain some things to her. So I would appreciate the time.” Turning back to Mikael, Kitty asked between bites, “Fair enough. So when do we go?” “As soon as you’re ready. What are you going to wear?”
Kitty shrugged. “Any suggestions? I brought quite a few choices.” “I was thinking the white body suit. Sexy as all your stuff is, the black you normally wear is too dark. We want them to see you. But the dancing outfits you wear also are distracting. Frankly nude would be best in some ways, but we don’t want the sexuality to be the focus – just the movements. The white one seems the best alternative to me.” “Sounds reasonable. I’ll be back in a minute and we can go.”
As Kitty turned back to change, Mikael watched her go with no outward sign of sadness,, but he knew he had lost her last night. Their relationship had changed, despite her assurance and actions to the contrary. Inwardly he sighed, regretting his proposal. At least she seemed to have forgotten her confidence problem. She must’ve to wear that barely-there nightgown down here!
She returned in a startlingly white bodysuit, very similar to her black one but without the boots. It hugged her body like a glove… a very form-fitting glove. “Alright! I’m ready if you are! What do you think?” she said, displaying her outfit to him. Mikael looked at the Khajiit. “Excellent. Form-fitting but without adornment. A real dancer’s outfit. No shoes?” Kitty looked somewhat ashamed, as if embarrassed to admit her physiological differences from humans. “I have… claws on my feet that might be helpful. I thought it best to keep all my advantages today.” “Good thinking Kitty. Well, let’s go. Ubergard, we’ll probably be back around lunch time. Wish us luck!” “Good luck then. I’m not sure if we’ll be here when you get back, but we’ll see you tonight anyway,” said Ubergard as they left the Winking Skeever.
As they approached the large three-story edifice, Kitty couldn’t help but be impressed. “Let me do the talking,” Mikael began. “I spoke with Viarmo, the headmaster of the college yesterday and they’ll be expecting us. While he’s an Altmer and rather stern, he’s a fair man and will listen to our request. But he’s also conservative and will take some convincing. But they are a truly democratic group and the others that will be sitting in on our demonstration will be just as important.“ "An Altmer?” Kitty asked. “They’re not very friendly to Khajiit usually…” “They’re not friendly to anyone usually. But as I said, he’s a good man and not likely to be prejudiced by a tail or snout. There will also be the three Deans. Giraud Gemane is the dean of History, so I’ll highlight the dance as a way of visually telling stories. Inge Six Fingers is the dean of Lutes. He’ll be with us right from the start since dance is a natural response to music and therefore closely related. Then there’s Pantea Ateia, dean of vocalists. She’ll be a tough nut to crack since dance doesn’t directly relate to vocals. So we’ve got one for us, one likely against, and the other two will be the deciding factor.”
“Mikael… I don’t mean to sound slutty but, should I try to come on to them or appeal to them physically? I know it’s kind of cheating, but if it would help…” “No need for that Kitty. They’re all professionals. Just dance your heart out, as you always do. I don’t think any of them would be swayed by any overt interest, and some might be offended. Erotica is part of the bard’s trade too, and every one of them is an expert bard of their own domain. They would see through any feigned interest instantly. No, just do your best. And remember, if we fail, it’s not the end of the world. As long as we give it our best shot, we can leave happy no matter which way the decision falls.”
Kitty nodded, feeling suprisingly better as they walked up the steps to the looming building that was the Bard’s College. Before opening the door, Mikael turned to her. “I’m sorry, Kitty… for last night,” he said sincerely. Kitty understood exactly what he meant and didn’t try to deny what they both knew. “I know Mikael. I’m sorry too.” And with that she stretched up to him and gave him a strong and passionate kiss. “But I still like you a lot!” Mikael smiled somewhat and opened the door.

CatDance #23

Upon returning downstairs, the first thing Kitty noticed was that there were significantly more people. Now nearly every seat was taken in the main room. It seemed word had gotten around about them in the few minutes they had been away. Mikael had returned to the room a minute before the dancers came in, and was already positioned with his drum while Lisette had switched to an odd stringed instrument.
Mikael spoke briefly with Lisette before he once more began to tap out a drum beat. Kitty and Helfer positioned themselves leaning against tables opposite the open space in front of the bards. Then Mikael began the song. This time an upbeat tempo came from his instrument and Lisette’s accompanying notes rang in primarily major chords, yet the occasional dissonant note kept the flavor still somewhat exotic.
This time, the two Khajiit began their dance separated and leapt upon their respective tables as they began. While those seated around those tables had a rather unusual view of the dancers, they soon were clapping in time to the music as this particular song lent itself well to this audience participation. Though the music was in an unusual mode for the style common in Skyrim, those watching the Khajiit dance seemed to follow it well.
When the song was over, both dancers did a spectactular synchonized backflip off their tables and landed gracefully on their feet to what now could properly be described as enthusiastic applause. Kitty and Helfer came together and bowed deeply to the audience to acknowledge their appreciation before Mikael and Lisette started on the next song. However, this time the song was not unknown to the crowd.
The song told a story in verse of a hunter and his prey, a doe. While they’d had minimal practice, the song was one that required little in the way of imagination to enact and was more of a framework in which each dancer could improvise their own moves. Kitty played the part of the deer while Helfer played the hunter carrying her bow and stalking the deer through the room.
Then the song reached the climax wherein the hunter fell into a pit and could not get out, Helfer, exaggerating the shock and anguish at being unable to climb out, while Kitty appeared to run off – but then returned and timidly approached Helfer, seeming to peer down at the hunter cautiously, before running out of the room.
But Kitty soon returned, having lead another hunter to the pit where Helfer lay. Mikael’s lyrics filling in the role of the imaginary second hunter who found and saved Helfer’s character. Helfer may have over-exaggerated her character’s leaping for joy at her rescue, but the song was such that this was actually appropriate.
…as was the spectacular death played by Kitty when the imaginary second hunter shot her, ignorant of the part she had played in the rescue. Yet it was Helfer’s grief and despair as she hovered over the body of the deer that won the audience’s heart. Though the art of the play was not unknown in Tamriel, it was not a form that Skyrim was familiar with, and thus the short drama went over very well within the tavern even with it’s overly dramatic melodrama. Not a few eyes even misted over at the conclusion, and some of these were in armor at that.
But now it was time for the concluding dance, which Kitty would perform alone as it required more skill than Helfer had. Mikael began playing an interlude tune while the buzz in the audience over the last dance masked the short time that Kitty hurried into a nearby empty room to change into a new costume. While the flowing outfit she had warn before accentuated the movements, this dance required too much balance and perfection to allow any chance of a misstep due to clothing getting in the way or snagged on something. She got out of her clothes as fast as she could…
What she wore upon re-entering the bar was little more than underwear, she knew. But it was made of links of metallic rings that were all but unbreakable which made it perfect for the acrobatics she planned to do. Of course she was also aware of the scandalous nature of such a skimpy bit of clothing that left all but her most private parts unveiled. In fact, upon close examination the rings that made up the ‘fabric’ of the little two-piece outfit were more than a little transparent there too! But this was her chosen outfit and she’d be damned if she was going to break a leg because someone might be offended. With this in mind, she returned to the main room.
But a little scandal was to be expected in such a performance and would probably only enhance the tales told of her dance anyway. Mikael had supported her decision to wear it as her final ‘act’ as well, so when she stepped out of the room and the music switched to a fast-tempo beat, a gasp ran through the room. This time both Lisette and Mikael were on the drums, and Kitty struck a defiant stance – almost daring anyone in the room to deny her this moment. “Yes,” she thought to herself, “This is my body. And it’s about to do things you couldn’t dream of. So don’t you DARE complain because you can see my nipples if you squint hard enough!”

Queen Muz-Ra #7

Suddenly, a voice came out of the darkness from the side of the tavern. “My lord, perhaps this would be a good time to return to Dragonsreach?” said Irileth from the shadows. “Irileth, I told you to wait inside, didn’t I?” “Yes my Lord.” “And you’ve been following us ever since?” “Yes my Lord.” “And you saw and heard everything?” “Yes my Lord.” The Jarl of Whiterun sighed.“Can’t I get any privacy around here?” “No my Lord. Only inside Dragonsreach.”
Balgruuf turned back to Muz-Ra.“Red, would you mind coming to Dragonsreach next time?” Muz-Ra kneeled in sincere respect for her Jarl. “It would be an honor, your Jarliness.” When she rose, he planted a kiss firmly on her cheek.“I will contact you soon, Red. It’s been a very memorable night.” And with that, Jarl Balgruuf went down the stairs, bidding goodnight to the Argonian. Muz-Ra returned his wave with a smile and a wave herself, but used her tail to do the waving. With that, she turned back into the tavern, happier than she had been in a long time.
Kitty was the first to greet her. “Red! Ubergard told me all about it! I’m sorry I missed all the fun!” “Oh, you know. That sort of thing happens all the time when I go out. I can barely walk without a King or a Jarl trying to get into my panties,” Muz-Ra laughed. “So, what happened? Did you…?” “Now, you know a nice girl doesn’t kiss and tell!”
Kitty looked around facetiously, “Where’s one of those?” Muz-Ra feigned indignation. “Besides,” Kitty went on, “you ALWAYS kiss and tell!” Ubergard came up to them. “And what about you, Uber? Are you going to ask me what happened too?” “Of course not. But you’ll tell us anyway so I might as well get it over with,” replied Ubergard, but something about her expression betrayed more interest than her words indicated.
“Wait, where’s Cheetah?” “Oh, she went back to the Tails.” “Did she know about the Jarl?” “No. Ubergard didn’t say anything to her, and I was too busy with Mikael.” “Well, if you’re ready to leave, I’ll tell you on the way when we’re out of the city.”
Outside, Muz-Ra remembered to ask Kitty something… “Oh! so how’d it go with Mikael anyway? Did he like the new dress?” “Absolutely! But as expected, it seems like the the more they like new clothes, the sooner they want to take them off!” “Well I think it looks fabulous. Your catsuit is great too, you know, but that shows off a bit more fur. And frankly looks more… oh, what’s the word… luxurious.” “Why thanks, Red. I told him I couldn’t stay overnight tonight, so he didn’t get the chance to figure out how to untie it yet.”
Once they were out of the city gates, Muz-Ra began to tell her story. “Ok, so I’m afraid you’re going to be disappointed in me. We didn’t actually do anything. But he did take me on a nice walk around. Even took me up to the Cloud District.” “Wow! That’s unexpectedly chaste of you!” Muz-Ra nodded, “I know. I don’t know what came over me. I had a man right in the palm of my hands, but I let him slip away.” “So… what did he want? I thought he wanted to, you know, do it with you.”
“Oh, he did! But… it just didn’t feel right. And probably Irileth was hovering around somewhere too.” “He wanted you, and you still didn’t? Are you not feeling well?” “I know, right? But… The Jarl. That’s not like fucking some mangy, two-timing guard! And who knows what trouble I’d be getting myself into?” Ubergard, silent as usual, had to speak up at that. “On that point, your instincts were true Red. You saved yourself more trouble than you can possibly imagine.”
Red looked at her fellow Argonian. “It sounds like you have some experience with such matters, Uber.” “I’ve perhaps been closer to that sort of thing than you. Just trust me, you don’t want to get mixed up in politics like that. It’s dangerous.” “I don’t know, they say politics makes strange bedfellows. Maybe they’re talking about me! Besides, you never know what the future may hold, right?” Ubergard looked to Kitty, who just shrugged as Muz-Ra skipped the rest of the way to the castle, singing some odd tune she seemed to have just made up. Something about ‘Getting to Know You’…
The next day came and went, and Kitty noticed that Muz-Ra did seem more lighthearted than she had days before. But as the week went on, her attitude steadily seemed to sink until by the end of the week she seemed more depressed than ever. Finally, when she caught the normally cheerful Argonian sobbing alone in the kitchen one evening, she could restrain herself no longer and she asked her friend directly what was wrong. But Muz-Ra refused to discuss it, saying it was just a silly fantasy of hers and that she’d get over it soon enough.
Until the messenger came the next day…

Queen Muz-Ra #6

“So, Jarlyboy, do you often get the hots for other species?” Balgruuf laughed at the informality. “No, I’m afraid you’re the first of the beast races I’ve ever been interested in, in that way.”
Muz-Ra stopped short, her smile fading in a split second. “Look, Balgruuf. If it was anyone but you, I’d dump you right now and head back to the Bannered Mare. But I’m not going to do that for two reasons. First, you don’t know that I already got pissed off when someone mentioned the term ‘Beast Race’ earlier tonight. Second, I must admit there is some status you’re due as the Jarl. But be aware, I am hypersensitive to that term right now. I am not a beast. I am a sentient creature just like you. If you want, how about the term ‘Tailed Race’? Nice, factual and non-pejorative?”
Balgruuf was taken aback. “My apologies, Red. I meant no offense of course. It’s a common term around here to refer to Khajiit and Argonians you know.” “Oh, don’t I know it! But just because it’s common doesn’t make it right. It’s ok though, Jarlyhorse. I’m in a good mood tonight. Let’s talk about something else. So, the tail isn’t what attracted you?” “I… don’t think so. It’s hard to say. Something about the manner of your dance. It just struck me as extremely carefree. And sexy as hell of course.”
“Well, thank you Jarlmeister. I do feel duty-bound to tell you right now though, you won’t be getting any tonight.” Balgruuf looked at the Argonian. “No? I’m… not used to rejection. You don’t like me?” “Jarlister, come closer. Honey, right now I’m wet enough to take a horse and I can prove it. But it’s not going to happen.”
Balgruuf looked at her with a mix of frustration and curiosity. “No, really, go ahead. Here, give me your hand,” she said, guiding him to her. “I want you to understand that it’s not for lack of desire. It’s been so long I’d probably be happy with a carrot at this point, no offense intended. I don’t know how much you’re packing, but I guarantee it’s more than enough for my needs. But I am not a beast. I choose when and where I get bestial. If I’m going to sleep with you, I want to know who I’m sleeping with. If we were to do that tonight, I’d never get a chance to know you.”
The Jarl considered this. “I hadn’t really thought to turn this into an affair, you know.” Red nodded. “I know. You just wanted a quick fuck and then return to your normal routine back at Dragonsreach, having achieved another life goal; sex with an Argonian. And hey, sex with a Jarl would be no small experience for me either! But you won’t wash that hand tonight, I suspect. And that will make a much longer impression than a quick tumble, I am sure.”
The two walked on in silence for a minute.
“I think it might work.” “What’s that Jarlburger?” “I think you might have hooked me, Red.” The Argonian smiled openly and with sympathy. “Look, a quick roll in the hay is fine, but you made a fatal mistake. I think I might actually like you. That’s your fault! I have been told I’m brutally honest sometimes. I’ve just never understood why anyone would not be. I was hoping to find a boyfriend tonight and get fucked silly. Instead I found you. And I don’t want you to fuck me silly for just one night. You’re special, for your title at the very least. But I don’t think you got that title without some reason. I want to know you better than a one-shot fuck.”
“So, my status once again stops me from interacting with my citizens in a normal way?” Balgruuf mused sadly as they returned to the door of the Bannered Mare. “That’s about right, Jarlybaby. But do call on me someday soon so we can resume our… relationship. If you want to of course. You know where I live, and I know where you live. Here. Take this as a going away present.” With that, Muz-Ra reached one hand inside his robe and drew a single line gently from his scrotum to the tip of his penis with a clawed fingertip.
Smiling again, she retrieved her hand. “Oh yes! Jarlio, you’ll do JUST fine! please call on me soon won’t you?” Balgruuf, unused to being handled in this manner but unable to conceal his arousal, stammered “I… I expect I will. Red, I know our relationship is based on lust, perhaps unnatural at that. But, can I give you a kiss?” “Certainly! I would return the favor, but it’s a bit awkward for Argonians. We can’t exactly pucker you know.” “That’s fine.” “We do have an amorous greeting of our own that we do though. Don’t worry, it’s not so bad. Remind me to show it to you sometime.”

Queen Muz-Ra #5

After knocking at the door, Muz-Ra was admitted to a small room by the Housecarl, Irileth. A hooded figure sat on the bed nearby. At her arrival, the man looked up and gestured to Irileth who exited to the balcony but still obviously within earshot. “Welcome, Muz-Ra,” said the voice of the Jarl of Whiterun.
Muz-Ra bowed awkwardly, “Forgive me, my lord. I am not familiar with the etiquette you are used to, but I understand you wanted to speak to me?” The Jarl smiled at the Argonian. “Please, it is I who am misplaced here. In Dragonsreach, that sort of thing is expected, but here I am just another patron. Call me Balgruuf. When I visit outside the palace, I try to forget that I am also the Jarl.”
Of course, lord Balgruuf. But I can’t forget it, you know. And you can call me ‘Red’, if you are going to be my friend.“ "I do hope to be, Red. I suppose you have some idea why I called you up here?” “I’m not accustomed to being summoned to the presence of a Jarl, lord, but I am familiar with being courted by other males. I could tell you that I dress this way for comfort, or come up with some other reason just as plausible. But I do enjoy the attention more than anything else.”
“Please, would you mind sitting here beside me? I really would prefer it. I have people bowing to me all day. I don’t find it pleasant.” “Tell you what, I’m a little offput by the presence of a bed on our first meeting. I’m not a naive waif, but then again we females do like the courtship ritual before we jump right into the sack!” “Oh! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just the only furniture in here!” “Uh huh. Besides, Irileth is undoubtedly listening to every word we say. That is more than a little unnerving. Kinda throws off the mood when you know there are glowing red eyes hovering over you, you know? Not to mention a huge decapitated moose head!”
Balgruuf looked at the moose. “I guess you’re right about that!” he chuckled. “But I’ve got an idea…” He then looked at the balcony doorway. “I get so used to her presence, I forget sometimes. Irileth, can you come in here?” The Housecarl appeared instantly, “I know what you’re going to say, lord, and I do protest! We know nothing about Muz-Ra and I think it would be unwise in the extreme to allow you to stay completely unprotected in here with her. You know your life is never safe outside Dragonsreach.”
“Red, how long have you lived around Whiterun? With H I mean,” asked Balgruuf. “I guess it’s been about 5 years now. Why?” “5 years. Irileth, do you really think Muz-Ra here has been waiting 5 years for this night to happen? To dance with her friends, and catch my attention so she can assassinate me?” “Well… no.”
“But you’re right about one thing. I would like you to remain in this room.” “Lord?” “While Red and I go take a stroll.” The Housecarl’s red eyes went wide. “Alone? You think you can just go on a midnight ‘stroll’ around Whiterun?!” “I do. And I will. And you will remain here.” “But, Lord, please! If anything were to happen to you…” “Do I not have enough guards in the city? If I am in danger in my own city, I am a poor Jarl indeed! You WILL stay here, and await my return.” “Lord.” Irileth acquiesced.
“Red, shall we go?” “Go where, my lord?” “Why, for a stroll of course!” “A stroll? I don’t recall being asked to go for a stroll with you.” The Jarl of Whiterun’s jaw fairly dropped before he re-mustered his composure.
“I’m sorry Red. You’re right, of course. It was presumptuous of me to assume…” “Yes, in fact, it was presumptuous. However, now that you recognize that, I would be happy to accompany you,” Muz-Ra said, satisfied that she had established the ground rules of this game and who was in control. As they walked out of the Bannered Mare, Balgruuf couldn’t help but admire the view. “Red, I have to tell you something. Irileth will not stay in the tavern. I expect she’s heading out the back door already. She’ll be shadowing us.”
“Really? I thought you were the Jarl of Whiterun? Your orders aren’t obeyed here?” “Well, Irileth is a special case. She’s not like one of my guards.” “I see. Well, I suppose as long as she stays out of sight and I don’t have to think about her.” “Oh, that she will. But I know her well enough to know that she’ll be nearby.” Muz-Ra nodded, accepting it as inevitable.
“Red, you know, I’m not a young man anymore. All my years as the Jarl have worn away my skill at artifice and romance.” “Oh, don’t worry about that, Balgruuf. You’ve got a hard-on for me, and I’m at a time in my life where such interest is welcome. But I’m not just going to spread my legs for you and have a night of wanton lust. I want lots of nights of wanton lust. And I want to be comfortable with my partner.” “Why, Red, you certainly get right to the point, don’t you?” “You said you lack artifice. I’ve never had any. I say what I mean, and I mean what I say.” “So I see!”

Queen Muz-Ra #3

Ubergard sat alone on the bench, watching the proceedings. She was intrinsically stoic in her demeanor, but in her own way she had developed a strong affection for Muz-Ra and Kitty during her adventures with them. While she didn’t often engage in the sort of frivolity they were having, she nonetheless enjoyed watching them at play like this. If asked, she would have feigned disgust at their antics, but that was really a ruse. These trips to the Bannered Mare were, in fact, the high point of her days, excluding the now-infrequent battles since she had settled into a more civilized lifestyle.
It was while she was reflecting on this that she noted a new presence sitting beside her. The voice, however, was familiar. “Looks like they’re having quite a time of it tonight. Don’t you dance Ubergard?” “I do, but my partner generally doesn’t walk away afterwards,” she replied quietly, not looking away. “What are you doing here Irileth? Shouldn’t you be back at Dragonsreach counting taxes or something?” “Even a Housecarl needs to get away occasionally,” the dusky Dunmer responded, though Ubergard noted that she hadn’t truly answered the question.
“What do you want?” Ubergard asked, perhaps a bit disrespectfully. “Want? It’s a public tavern. Must I have an agenda?” “You usually do.” “You’re not still upset about that little spat are you? That was months ago! You really need to learn to let things go. It’s not wise for a person in your position to harbor resentment towards your superiors you know.”
“When I find one, I’ll consider your advice,” Ubergard turned to look directly at her neighbor. Irileth’s red eyes flashed momentarily, but then she turned back to the dancers. “I understand you’ve moved in with Kitty and… What’s her name? Muz-La? …in the old castle.” “Muz-RA. Yes, Castle Kitty we call it now. And why should I care what you do or don’t understand?” “I’ve heard of another name for it. But please, there’s no need to be hostile. I’m just curious. Kitty’s sudden, shall we say, ‘change of fortune’ has raised some eyebrows in the city.”
“That doesn’t surprise me. Having a wealthy Khajiit living openly nearby isn’t something they’re used to.” “Oh, it’s unusual to be sure. H is one exception, but he’s discreet and rarely seen in Whiterun. Still, you might be suprised to know just how well they actually LIKE Kitty around town. Such a thing is… unexpected from the Nords around here.” “Because they’re a bunch of species-ist bigots. When they learn that another race can actually be considered as an equal – when they actually interact with them on an equal footing, that should be expected if they’re not unredeemable.” “As well I know, Argonian. I see it as a very good thing. But not all do. We have a unique perspective, you and I. We’re both outsiders here.”
“Get to the point, Dunmer,” Ubergard demanded. “What do you want?” “I’m just interested in finding out more about Muz-Ra actually. What can you tell me about her? I know she’s been working at H’s for years, but I now have a need to know more.” Ubergard was suprised at this. Asking about Kitty would be expected now that she had become a significant personage around Whiterun with her purchase of Castle Kitty. But she did not expect any interest in Muz-Ra. “Red? Well, she’s very forthright, to a fault. I can tell you that. Also she is uninhibited, which is pretty obvious considering her present posture! She is, as far as I know, exactly what you see.”
“Interesting. It seems clear to me also that Kitty is quite fond of Mikael… Very fond indeed. And yet there seems to be no animosity, given that, between Mikael and Muz-Ra. Can I surmise then that Kitty and Muz-Ra are not, in fact, lovers?” “Muz-Ra? Kitty? Oh no. They’re about as male-loving as they can be.” “And yet Muz-Ra dances with this other Khajiit, one I am given to understand is in a physical relationship with another female Khajiit at the Tails…” “Irileth, they’re just having fun! They’re not licking each other!”
“Even so…” “Kitty and Muz-Ra are friends, as are Cheetah and Muz-Ra. Just good friends, nothing more. Why are you so interested in Red anyway? I know it’s your job to keep tabs on the locals here for the Jarl, but why…” At this point, Irileth looked directly at the Argonian for the first time and touched Ubergard’s thigh, interrupting her. “We all have our reasons,” she said while her eyes indicated something above and to her right where a balcony overlooked the tavern floor below.
Ubergard glanced up and away, catching the sight of a hooded figure there, watching the dancers. “No!” she whispered to Irileth, “an Argonian? Red?!” Ireleth gave a sigh. “Nature is truly mysterious, my friend. A cupid’s arrow can strike anyone, despite all the protection that servants like us can muster.”
“Oh… My… God,” Ubergard whispered, looking from the hooded figure to Muz-Ra and back again, her mouth gaping. She then turned to the Housecarl of Dragonsreach, Ubergard’s expression changed to one of pity for the Dunmer. “Heaven help you Irileth. You have my sincere sympathy.” Irileth sighed as she stood up to go, “Thank you, Ubergard. We all do our best with what we’re given.”