The Quest for the Holy Dildo #6

The tavern was sparsely populated, but all heads did a double-take when Faniel entered. The Angel laughed loudly. “Well, hello to all of you too! Yes, I have wings.”

“And nice tits too!” said one inebriated patron.

“Oh yes! And check out this pussy!” Faniel laughed back.

“Looks like she’s smuggling a hamster.” said another.

“Looks like a tribble is giving her oral!” said the first.

“Oh!”, Faniel laughed alongside them. “You mean my pubic hair? Would you like it better shaved?”

“Yeah! Butter-smooth pussy is the best! Like a baby’s bottom.”

Sampson looked at Devilah, “What’s a tribble?“ to which she only shrugged.

"I’ll go get us a room,” Devilah said to Sampson. “You handle this!”

Sampson decided he’d better put a stop to anything before someone got the wrong ideas. “Guys, she’s new around here. And she’s off limits. Unless you want to follow the Orc I just beheaded. Just enjoy the show.”

Faniel frowned. "Pffft. You’re no fun Sampson. Stop worrying about me. Now I’m going to go talk to this man who clearly has good taste in the female form!“

"Watch yourself Faniel. They’re drunk.”

“In Vino Veritas,” quoted the Angel, to which Sampson just scratched his head.

Despite Sampson’s warning, Faniel walked up to the man and asked if he’d like to dance. The grin that spread across his face showed pure joy and he lept out of his seat, spilling his mug.

“And you, I presume, play music?” Faniel asked a lady sitting nearby with a lute on her lap. “Would you mind doing so for me and this gentleman?”

“I would be honored. I am Lynly Star-Sung. And you are?”

“Please call me Faniel. And now, good sir, could you show my friend how to treat a lady? Dance with me, if you would!”

Sampson and Devilah went to the bar and ordered some drinks, though Sampson noticed that Devilah did little more than touch the mug to her lips as they watched the pair in fascination.

The man, named Klimmek, stared into Faniel’s eyes as if in a trance, while she laughed and danced with him like she was dancing with the most graceful man on earth. It seemed her wings bore not the slightest hindrance for them, and even though he was apparently just some local farmer, somehow he was able to match her in grace as long as he kept looking into her eyes. Even the bard seemed to rise to the occasion and her voice was no longer that of a lowly bard in a backwater village, but transformed into something more.

Sampson looked at Devilah whose eyes were shining as they turned back to him. "Care to dance?“ he found himself asking.

"I… think I would!” she whispered, and the two joined the Angel and the farmer.

As the last note died away, not a word was spoken as the two pairs of dancers separated. Faniel broke the spell. “Thank you Klimmek.You dance wonderfully!”

The stunned farmer looked down at his shoddy clothes and back to the Angel with tears in his eyes, but could only stammer, “Thank you, m’lady… er… Lady Faniel. I was just kidding about the… hair.”

Faniel kissed him as he sat back down. “I doubt that very much, but thank you for the lie.”

The three travelers retired to a table while the bard started up another tune.

“What the hell was that, Faniel?” Sampson asked her when she sat down.

“Oh, just livening up the poor guy’s life a bit.”

“Magic?” asked Devilah.

“Oh no. He’s always had it in him. He just needed someone to bring it out. A great dancer don’t you think?”

“I wish I could… please him like you do men, Devilah. He deserves it.”

“You can’t do that?” Devilah asked.

“I can. But it would be cruel. I never want to be that cruel. I just want to bring joy, but I can’t stay with him forever as he’d like. So no, it wouldn’t be right.”

“That reminds me,” Sampson said, turning to Devilah. “Dev, you may meet those guards later.”

“The ones on the bridge? Why?”

“I… suggested you might like another snack.”

“Oh Sampson! Are you serious?!”

“Well… yes. Did I do something wrong?”

Devilah gave him a kiss that he would never forget for it’s warmth and passion. He was a bit surprised that her raspy tongue could still feel so good inside his own mouth.

“Devilah! Jeeze, I just told them…” Sampson managed once she’d released him enough to talk.

“I love you Sampson. I think they’ll have to be a dessert, not an appetizer. I want you, stud, and I want you RIGHT NOW! Let’s go to our room!”

Sampson laughed and picked Devilah up bodily and carried her off to be ravished out of sight, if not totally out of earshot.

CatDance #26

Kitty was wide awake in bed while Mikael was breathing heavily next to her, obviously deep in sleep. But Kitty couldn’t sleep. Not only was the anticipation of tomorrow’s meeting with the College worrying her, now she had to deal with this too! She hoped that her rejection of Mikael’s proposal had been gentle enough. He had taken it with enough grace, but she found it hard to believe that Mikael with his free spirit ways and wandering eye could possibly be serious. And was it possible that she didn’t really want to be married yet either? Hell, did she even love him?
She turned over to look at him. With a sigh, she realized that she didn’t. He was a great companion. A hell of a bed-mate too. It wasn’t even that he was human. He had taught her that it really was the person behind the body that mattered. And she liked him. She liked him a lot! But it just didn’t cross the line into love. Not like what he meant, what he needed. She’d felt that once before, with FarSeer. She just didn’t feel it with Mikael. After this trip she would have to break up with him. It was unfair for her to do anything else just to get his attentions, especially now that he’d done this. She would miss him. But to do anything else would just be stringing him along instead of freeing him up to find another. Damn.
To top it off, she really needed some sleep tonight. “Well fuck it,” she finally thought to herself. “There’s one way I know I can get to sleep. Rise and shine big boy. It’s time to go to work!” With that she quietly removed her nightgown, turned head-to-toe and gently pulled him out of his underwear and into her mouth. He woke to a warm, wet stroking between his legs that he reflected was the best interruption of sleep he’d ever experienced. The rest followed nature’s course and, after a quick but satisfying interlude of sleepy-sex, they both drifted off.
When she awoke the next morning, Mikael was gone. She found him downstairs with Ubergard. “There you are Kitty!” Mikael said with his usual and annoying morning cheerfulness. “Good morning Mikael, Uber. Where’s Helfer?” Ubergard replied apologetically, “Still sleeping. Mikael says you won’t need me or her today?” “Not bringing Helfer?” Kitty asked Mikael. “I thought she might work as an example of how I can teach others to dance, or something like that.”
“Last night was a show, but today should be more of just a demonstration. I’d like to keep them focused on you during that part, and Helfer would just be a distraction. Besides, I’m sure Uber and Helfer would appreciate some time to explore Solitude on their own anyway.” Kitty turned to Ubergard while reaching for some breakfast treats on the table. “Yes, I think we need to talk. I’m afraid she’s getting too serious and I need to explain some things to her. So I would appreciate the time.” Turning back to Mikael, Kitty asked between bites, “Fair enough. So when do we go?” “As soon as you’re ready. What are you going to wear?”
Kitty shrugged. “Any suggestions? I brought quite a few choices.” “I was thinking the white body suit. Sexy as all your stuff is, the black you normally wear is too dark. We want them to see you. But the dancing outfits you wear also are distracting. Frankly nude would be best in some ways, but we don’t want the sexuality to be the focus – just the movements. The white one seems the best alternative to me.” “Sounds reasonable. I’ll be back in a minute and we can go.”
As Kitty turned back to change, Mikael watched her go with no outward sign of sadness,, but he knew he had lost her last night. Their relationship had changed, despite her assurance and actions to the contrary. Inwardly he sighed, regretting his proposal. At least she seemed to have forgotten her confidence problem. She must’ve to wear that barely-there nightgown down here!
She returned in a startlingly white bodysuit, very similar to her black one but without the boots. It hugged her body like a glove… a very form-fitting glove. “Alright! I’m ready if you are! What do you think?” she said, displaying her outfit to him. Mikael looked at the Khajiit. “Excellent. Form-fitting but without adornment. A real dancer’s outfit. No shoes?” Kitty looked somewhat ashamed, as if embarrassed to admit her physiological differences from humans. “I have… claws on my feet that might be helpful. I thought it best to keep all my advantages today.” “Good thinking Kitty. Well, let’s go. Ubergard, we’ll probably be back around lunch time. Wish us luck!” “Good luck then. I’m not sure if we’ll be here when you get back, but we’ll see you tonight anyway,” said Ubergard as they left the Winking Skeever.
As they approached the large three-story edifice, Kitty couldn’t help but be impressed. “Let me do the talking,” Mikael began. “I spoke with Viarmo, the headmaster of the college yesterday and they’ll be expecting us. While he’s an Altmer and rather stern, he’s a fair man and will listen to our request. But he’s also conservative and will take some convincing. But they are a truly democratic group and the others that will be sitting in on our demonstration will be just as important.“ "An Altmer?” Kitty asked. “They’re not very friendly to Khajiit usually…” “They’re not friendly to anyone usually. But as I said, he’s a good man and not likely to be prejudiced by a tail or snout. There will also be the three Deans. Giraud Gemane is the dean of History, so I’ll highlight the dance as a way of visually telling stories. Inge Six Fingers is the dean of Lutes. He’ll be with us right from the start since dance is a natural response to music and therefore closely related. Then there’s Pantea Ateia, dean of vocalists. She’ll be a tough nut to crack since dance doesn’t directly relate to vocals. So we’ve got one for us, one likely against, and the other two will be the deciding factor.”
“Mikael… I don’t mean to sound slutty but, should I try to come on to them or appeal to them physically? I know it’s kind of cheating, but if it would help…” “No need for that Kitty. They’re all professionals. Just dance your heart out, as you always do. I don’t think any of them would be swayed by any overt interest, and some might be offended. Erotica is part of the bard’s trade too, and every one of them is an expert bard of their own domain. They would see through any feigned interest instantly. No, just do your best. And remember, if we fail, it’s not the end of the world. As long as we give it our best shot, we can leave happy no matter which way the decision falls.”
Kitty nodded, feeling suprisingly better as they walked up the steps to the looming building that was the Bard’s College. Before opening the door, Mikael turned to her. “I’m sorry, Kitty… for last night,” he said sincerely. Kitty understood exactly what he meant and didn’t try to deny what they both knew. “I know Mikael. I’m sorry too.” And with that she stretched up to him and gave him a strong and passionate kiss. “But I still like you a lot!” Mikael smiled somewhat and opened the door.

Sampson and Devilah #4

“I really don’t see why you even bought this place, Kitty. Don’t you think it’s a little over-the-top?” “Well, at least no one bothers me in here. And do you know, I’ve made more money from the farms and the tenants that come with the castle than I ever dreamed! It won’t be long at this rate till my investment is completely recovered!” “And the leaseholders do like you, that’s a plus. I guess the old landlord must have been pretty harsh.” “That’s what they say. A real bloodsucker.”
“Ah, Ubergard! Come in! Sit down and eat with us. We have a plate all ready for you. So what’s been going on at the Tails?” “All is well. The new guards are proving competent. In fact, I’ve promoted K’riss to take my place permanently now. I will just drop in on them to make sure they keep up my standards.” “Well, I do thank you for everything Uber. It will be a lot more comforting to know you’re around. Red and I get a little lonely in this place all by ourselves.” “What about your bat problem?” “I had a man out from Whiterun earlier this morning,” Muz-Ra replied, “He claims they’re all gone now.”
“Oh, this looks quite good Red! You are becoming quite the chef,” said the big Argonian. “Well, I don’t know about that, but I know my way around a kitchen by now. Oh, Kitty, did you see the new issue of Tails that came out?”
“Yeah! Isn’t Cheetah making a splash? This is her third feature in a row!” Ubergard gulped down a healthy portion of steak before replying, “H thinks she’s getting as popular as Udaran!” “Any rivalry there? They did seem to be a happy couple. I’d hate to think this might get in the way.” “Udaran might be feeling a bit hurt. She’s pretty prideful of her status there you know. But it can’t last forever.” “No, I guess not.”
“Are you going in town tonight Kitty?” asked Muz-Ra. “Yeah, later. Mikael is back and I promised I’d dance again.” “I don’t know why you do it, Kitty. Surely you don’t need the gold anymore?” “No, I certainly don’t. But I enjoy it. Besides, Mikael is fun to be around.” “Are you two… close?” “Not like that. Just physically. He’s never going to settle down, and I really don’t want him to. But it’s nice to have a man appreciate you now and again.” “Hmph,” Ubergard grunted, disapprovingly. “Well, for some of us anyway.”
Muz-Ra sighed. “What?” asked Kitty, concerned. “What about your guard friend? Aren’t you two still…” “His wife found out.” “WIFE? You never said he was married!” “I didn’t know he was! …Men,” Muz-Ra sighed again, adding “She doesn’t know it was me, but he said we had to call it off. She thinks it’s some girl in the Whiterun market. She’d probably be horrified to know he was with an Argonian!”
“Well at least it wasn’t a Khajiit!” Ubergard smiled at Kitty. “Well no, ANYTHING is better than that!” agreed Muz-Ra, played along. Kitty laughed, then a thought occurred to her. “Hey, wanna play gargoyle again?”
Kitty burped. “Ah! I’m stuffed. Thanks again Red!” “You want me to clean up?” “No, I’ll do it later. With only the two of us… oops! I mean THREE now that Ubergard’s here! We need to share the chores. I’ll do my part.”
“Well thanks Kitty, but I don’t think you really understand this whole Employer/Employee relationship thing very well. Say Uber, want to go to the archery range later?” “I don’t know why. You always trounce me.” “That’s why! You should learn to shoot better anyway.”
“Hey! Did you see that? A shooting star!” the little Khajiit exclaimed laughing. “I saw it. Do you suppose it means something?” “They’re supposed to be good omens I think,” said Ubergard. “Something good must be coming our way,” Muz-Ra surmised.

Sampson and Devilah #2

Meanwhile, in a castle near Whiterun, a dark form sits upon a dark throne. “What news, minion?” A sinuous voice, siblant and reptilian echoed in the empty hall, “Your dessire hass been fulfilled, my misstressss. "Oh? And which desire is that?”
“Tonight you sshall dine on beef and potatosss.” “…and salad? You didn’t forget the salad did you?” “Never. With extra tomatoess and cucumberss, just like you assked.” “And the blue cheese dressing?”
The scaled creature winced, as if struck a blow and knelt even lower in humiliation. “Damn. I forgot the dressssing. We have Italian,” the Argonian replied hopefully. “Oh, alright. But you know I really like blue cheese, Red. Now get up and stop talking that way. It’s stupid.”
“Yess, my misstressss…” “RED!” “Okay, okay. It just seems appropriate here.”
“I guess maybe buying a castle was a little… excessive.” “You think?”
“So what’s your plan to find this last assassin, Sampson?” “Hmm… We must inquire of the local pheasantry, noble cat. Perhaps they have knowledge of this Tails.”
“Pheasantry can’t talk, m’lord,” sighed Devilah. “You mean peasantry.” “My god! Have they had their tongues ripped out? Such evil lurks in this land! We must be getting close!” The Khajiit slapped her hands over her face and drew them down slowly. “Yes, mighty one. We must be.”

Sampson and Devilah #1

Author’s Note: This one’s going to be significantly different. It will be short, lighthearted and I’m having a hell of a good time writing it. In fact, I’ve probably already written ½ of the whole thing. Getting screenshots, unfortunately, takes more time. But I’m having such fun with it that I HAD to post what I have so far. Visually, it will likely be much less lewd than previous Tails. Textually (if that’s a word) it will be worse. So it’s closer to SFW to view, as long as they don’t actually READ it. So consider this a taste of what’s to come. Blatant references to ASOTIL and Evil Quill Weave from http://prequeladventure.com are blatant. Biblical references are also common, and yes, I think I’ll probably be spending some quality time in hell for writing this. ————– …In those days there was no law in Skyrim; but every man did that which was right in his own eyes. Yet in those days arose a mighty hero, Sampson, who brought justice to the land. Riding down from the north he came, clad in shining armor and his mighty sword, Sword. Sampson. Like Samson, said to have the strength of ten men. Like Simpson, the wisdom of Homer.
Astride his trusty steed, Horse, he rode with his dark thoughts bent on a single quest. To rid the land of the guild known as the Dark Brotherhood. Beside him, his faithful companion, Devilah, her tail ever-twitching as she watched for danger with her keen cat-eyes.
Long had they striven to find the Lair of the accursed Brotherhood, until at last the hero had reached his quarry. All now lay dead within and the Brotherhood was defeated. At long last, justice had prevailed and the land would no more live in fear of the arrow in the night, the dagger in the back, the silent death of the Assassin.
“So, Sampson, now that you’ve killed all of the Brotherhood, I guess your vow of chastity is complete, right? What say we take Horse back to that river we crossed, tie her up and take a bath together?” asked the coyly undulating Khajiit. “Indeed, the Brotherhood is vanquished. But the gore and charnel filth will take more than water to cleanse, I fear. For now, however, that must suffice. As to my vow… nay. Your virginity is safe from my earthly desires for yet a bit longer, good companion.” “WHAT? But dammit you said…”
“Ah, Devilah, you still have much to learn. You did not comprehend the annals of the dread guild.” “I read them to you, you illiterate bastard,” the furred one muttered under her breath. “Nay, all have not yet been brought to my master, Justice. One remains, and that one the cleverest and most heinous of all. Her crimes must have reached the heavens, for even the vile Brotherhood rejected her. Of her it is said she was the most stealthy, the most cunning. She remains, oh devoted one. And while she takes breath in this world, my vow must remain. I must not lose an ounce of my manly strength to the temptations of the flesh, for all will be needed in the final battle.”
“Fucking hell.” “The Black Cat, as she was known to the Brotherhood. Khajiit born, as are you my dear servant. Yet while you have risen above your bestial nature to become pristine and virtuous, her path lay not upwards but down into the depths of depravity. Alas, the tome was unclear as to her dark destiny, hinting only at some mysterious document known as the Tails of the Khajiit. We must continue our quest, dear Devilah, until we rid the world of this final Evil.” “Goddammit, and I’d bought oil and toys and everything…” the Khajiit complained forlornly.

Sabhira’s Daughter #34

“So this is Markarth. Impressive,” Kitty said as they walked the steps up to the main gate of the city. “They do love their stone!” Muz-Ra agreed. “Have you been here before Uber?” Udaran asked. The big Argonian shook her head, “No. Though I have heard stories. They say they sleep on stone beds here.” “That’s just a myth I’m sure.”
“My pads are killing me. A stone slab sounds pretty good to me right now!” said Kitty, groaning slightly. “Unfortunately we can’t rest just yet Kitty. We’ve got to get some civilian clothes first, right?” Muz-Ra reminded her. Udaran agreed, “She’s right Kitty. It’s too bad we didn’t come across any merchants on the way, but I do think we should change as soon as possible.” Then, stepping up to the guard, she purred in supplication, “Sir, I’m afraid we’re new to your great city. We are in need of a merchant. Can you advise us where we might find one?” The guard removed his helmet and smiled at her, looking her up and down appreciatively. "You’ll want Arnleif’s. Just stay to your right as you enter, you can’t miss it.“
"And, there’s no restrictions for Khajiit and Argonians here?” she added hopefully. “Naa, not for you. You’re welcome anywhere in the city – but do change out of your working clothes. Some people might object.” “That’s just what we’re looking for. Thank you sir!” Udaran smiled her sweetest smile, trying not to reveal too much fang. Kitty noticed the guard’s eyes widen somewhat as Ubergard passed him before he donned his helmet again.
“Hello Ma’am. Are you Arnleif? We have need of some more… standard shall we say… clothing,” Udaran said in her sulkiest Nord voice. “No cat, and you can turn off the heat. I’m not into your kind. I am Lisbet, the owner of Arnleif. He was my husband.” “Oh,” Udaran said, reverting to her normal accent, “I’m sorry to hear that.” “Spare me. And this better not be on credit. Ash still hasn’t paid me from her last visit!” “Ash? Oh no, we have coin.” Udaran said, revealing a small coin purse.
“Oh! I’m sorry. You’re not from the Cathouse?” Lisbet lightened up considerably at the sight of the purse. “The Cathouse?” Udaran asked, suddenly more interested. “Yes, I’m sorry – it’s your clothes. The only Khajiit around here that dress like that are from there. Please forgive me. Here, Imed will show you our clothing line. Though I’m afraid we’ll have nothing that will fit your tall friend here.” “Kitty, would you mind checking out the clothes with Imed? I’d like to hear more about this Cathouse.”
Kitty chose what she considered to be conservative clothes and one with somewhat more elegant for Udaran as their leader, before returning to the counter where Udaran was speaking. “I do thank you Lisbet. I will call on lady Ashasha at the Cathouse in the morning.” “That may be a bit too soon I’m afraid. They don’t open till after dark.” Lisbet warned, adding “…or so I hear.” Udaran smiled, “Oh, we’re not patrons OR prospective employees. We’re just looking for someone who may be there.” “Uh huh.” Lisbet didn’t sound convinced, but brightened as the purse was opened. “Will that do? And do you mind if we change in here?” Udaran asked, leaving an abundant supply of gold on the table top. “Oh yes! Thank you! Do come back again if you find yourself in need of anything. And good luck with Ashasha tomorrow. As for the inn, The Silver-Blood Inn is just across the road back towards the entrance.”
A few minute later found the group standing in front of the main Markarth Inn. “Well THAT was lucky! And it certainly sounds like the brothel we’re looking for,” Kitty said happily. “Definitely. There CAN’T be more than one around here. Where is it Udie?” asked Muz-Ra. “She gave me some directions. It’s not in Markarth proper, but it’s not far outside, just across the river. Now let’s go get a room and let me get out of this BLANKET!” “Really! How Nords survive inside these clothes is beyond me. Can’t feel a WISP of air!” Muz-Ra observed.
“So, good sir,” Udaran said to the bartender/manager of the Silver-Blood Inn, “No rooms at all for a few weary travellers?” “Kleppr, miss. Please call me Kleppr. No, I’m sorry, but all our rooms are taken this night. It’s those damned Forsaken. Everyone within miles comes into Markarth to avoid them at night. Unless you would consider sleeping out here for the night?” “Oh, I don’t think that would be wise Mr. Kleppr,” Udaran purred, “You see, I can’t sleep in clothing at all and I fear the sight of my naked, exposed body would offend your guests.” Kleppr raised an eyebrow at that. "Oh, well… hmm… Maybe there’s something I could do for you…“ Udaran plopped a fat bag of coins on the counter, "and for my friends too of course.” “Of course. We’ve a nice room just up the stairs. Our cook and houseboy stay there, but they can sleep out here tonight. However, er… I’ll need to drop in from time to time during the evening to get the food.” “Oh, that would be JUST fine Mr. Kleppr! I’m sure a man of your dignity wouldn’t disturb four sleeping females under your roof. I just hope my lack of nocturnal dress doesn’t disturb you too much.” “Yeah, um… I mean no! Right this way.
After a somewhat disrespectful scene in which Kleppr evicted his employees from their room unceremoniously, the four were finally left alone. "Oh my god, I didn’t know how sore my pads were until I took my weight off them!” Udaran sighed. “Red? Are you sleeping Au Naturel too?” Kitty asked, rubbing her own feet. “Well, you got me thinking Udie. I think I’ll leave my bikini off for tonight.” “Oh? Don’t relish the thought of some mystic eyes watching you Red?” “In fact, no. I don’t. Kitty? Aren’t you sleeping with me or Udie tonight?”
“Not tonight. Besides, the fire feels awfully good.” “Well, you’re not missing much sleeping on the floor I have to say. Too bad it wasn’t a myth eh Udie?” “I’ll say! But at least it’s warm in here. Goodnight everyone. With luck, we’ll be on our way back home tomorrow.” Kitty noticed that during the night, Kleppr only sneaked inside a few times to take a peek. Lecher he may be, but he was a harmless lecher – which was well for him since Ubergard was not snoring.