Queen Muz-Ra #8

Ubergard was up on the balcony, doing martial exercises with her blade the following morning when she heard someone approaching below. Looking over the parapet, she called to the man below. “Hello! What do you need?” “I have a message for someone named ‘Muz-Ra’. Does she live here?” “Yes. I’ll deliver it for her. Wait a minute and I’ll be right down.”
The messenger was taken aback when the big door swung open and the sight of the giant Argonian appeared. “Yes?” Ubergard said, jolting him out of his stasis.“You have a message for Muz-Ra?“ "Er… oh! Yes. Right here. From the Jarl himself.” “Thank you. I’ll see that she gets it right away.” “Um… If you don’t mind, he requested I deliver it to her personally. It’s for her eyes only.” “Oh. Well, come on in. She’s probably still sleeping, but follow me.”
“Welcome to Castle Kitty, Mr…” “Oh. I don’t really have a name. Mostly I’m just called ‘courier’.” “No name? That’s odd. Well, I’ll just call you Mr. Courier.” “Mr. Courier? I like that! And you are?” “I’m known as Ubergard.” “Naturally.” “Well, wait here a minute Mr. Courier. I’ll let her know you’re here. I’m sure she’ll be right out.”
If the messenger was unprepared for the appearance of Ubergard, he was even less prepared for Muz-Ra when she appeared in the doorway. “Yes?” Muz-Ra greeted the little man groggily. “You have something for me?” The courier’s eyes grew as large as saucers at the scantily clad Argonian’s appearance and for a moment he stood transfixed with his eyes glued to her breasts.
“Oh, I’m sorry. You’re probably distracted by my skimpy outfit. Give me a second!” And with that Muz-Ra withdrew back inside her bedroom for a minute. When she came out again, her golden bikini was gone and in it’s place was… nothing. “Buuh buhh…” stammered the messenger. The Argonian smiled broadly.
“Well dammit, give me the message man!” The poor courier drew a gold embossed envelope from his pouch as if in a trance and handed it to Muz-Ra, somehow never taking his eyes off her chest. The Argonian’s eyes went as wide as the couriers’ own when she saw the envelope and the smile that spread over her face was no less than radiant. She opened it rapidly and scanned the neatly folded parchment within, then let out a scream of joy and started jumping up and down.
As Ubergard led the man out of the castle, his head was still reflexively bobbing up and down. When she returned, Muz-Ra was rolling back and forth in her bed, still naked, holding the parchment to her breast all the while. “My god Red, what is it?” Muz-Ra looked at Ubergard in rapture. “It’s an invitation to dinner tonight at Dragonsreach!” “Oh no,” Ubergard sighed. “It begins.”
“What’s all the commotion?” Kitty asked, stepping into Muz-Ra’s room sleepily. “Apparently Red has been invited to Dragonsreach by the Jarl himself,” Ubergard stated unenthusiastically. “Oh Kitty, he said he’d invite me! I thought he’d forgotten all about me!” “The Jarl? Red, that’s wonderful!” Kitty laughed. Muz-Ra leapt off the bed, picked up Kitty and spun her around in an expression of pure excitement before she suddenly stopped cold.
“Oh Kitty, what will I wear? I don’t have anything that’s fit for a palace!” Kitty looked down at the nude form before her. “Apparently you don’t have anything at all!” Muz-Ra looked down at herself too and realized she was naked. “Ack! Sorry. I was just having fun with the messenger. Wait a sec.”
In a minute she had her gold bikini back on. “I guess you can’t go in that. Come on to the armory, let’s see what I’ve got.” Ubergard sighed. “Let me help. I’ve a pretty good idea of what’s acceptable in such company.” Upon entering the armory, Muz-Ra was struck by how realistic the Khajiit mannequins were. “Wow. Your mannequins are very lifelike!” Ubergard noted. “Yeah, I had them custom made to my body.” “They’re anatomically very very accurate, aren’t they?” Muz-Ra mused, looking at one wearing exceptionally sheer lingerie.
“Well, yeah. I need to know what they’ll look like on me after all!” said Kitty, somehow getting a bit embarrassed. “Kitty, I’m afraid this isn’t going to work. These clothes are all custom tailored to you,” Ubergard said as she looked at some other outfits. Meanwhile Muz-Ra had gone on to another lingerie-clad model and was touching it’s breast. “Wow! It’s even soft and squishy! ” “Red… um… can you not do that? Please?” Kitty said, her tail now fully fluffed out in a Khajiitish blush. “Oh, sure Kitty! Shall we go to the Tails? They have a wider variety of sizes you know.” “Yes, let’s do that. Right now!” Kitty said, somewhat relieved.

Queen Muz-Ra #7

Suddenly, a voice came out of the darkness from the side of the tavern. “My lord, perhaps this would be a good time to return to Dragonsreach?” said Irileth from the shadows. “Irileth, I told you to wait inside, didn’t I?” “Yes my Lord.” “And you’ve been following us ever since?” “Yes my Lord.” “And you saw and heard everything?” “Yes my Lord.” The Jarl of Whiterun sighed.“Can’t I get any privacy around here?” “No my Lord. Only inside Dragonsreach.”
Balgruuf turned back to Muz-Ra.“Red, would you mind coming to Dragonsreach next time?” Muz-Ra kneeled in sincere respect for her Jarl. “It would be an honor, your Jarliness.” When she rose, he planted a kiss firmly on her cheek.“I will contact you soon, Red. It’s been a very memorable night.” And with that, Jarl Balgruuf went down the stairs, bidding goodnight to the Argonian. Muz-Ra returned his wave with a smile and a wave herself, but used her tail to do the waving. With that, she turned back into the tavern, happier than she had been in a long time.
Kitty was the first to greet her. “Red! Ubergard told me all about it! I’m sorry I missed all the fun!” “Oh, you know. That sort of thing happens all the time when I go out. I can barely walk without a King or a Jarl trying to get into my panties,” Muz-Ra laughed. “So, what happened? Did you…?” “Now, you know a nice girl doesn’t kiss and tell!”
Kitty looked around facetiously, “Where’s one of those?” Muz-Ra feigned indignation. “Besides,” Kitty went on, “you ALWAYS kiss and tell!” Ubergard came up to them. “And what about you, Uber? Are you going to ask me what happened too?” “Of course not. But you’ll tell us anyway so I might as well get it over with,” replied Ubergard, but something about her expression betrayed more interest than her words indicated.
“Wait, where’s Cheetah?” “Oh, she went back to the Tails.” “Did she know about the Jarl?” “No. Ubergard didn’t say anything to her, and I was too busy with Mikael.” “Well, if you’re ready to leave, I’ll tell you on the way when we’re out of the city.”
Outside, Muz-Ra remembered to ask Kitty something… “Oh! so how’d it go with Mikael anyway? Did he like the new dress?” “Absolutely! But as expected, it seems like the the more they like new clothes, the sooner they want to take them off!” “Well I think it looks fabulous. Your catsuit is great too, you know, but that shows off a bit more fur. And frankly looks more… oh, what’s the word… luxurious.” “Why thanks, Red. I told him I couldn’t stay overnight tonight, so he didn’t get the chance to figure out how to untie it yet.”
Once they were out of the city gates, Muz-Ra began to tell her story. “Ok, so I’m afraid you’re going to be disappointed in me. We didn’t actually do anything. But he did take me on a nice walk around. Even took me up to the Cloud District.” “Wow! That’s unexpectedly chaste of you!” Muz-Ra nodded, “I know. I don’t know what came over me. I had a man right in the palm of my hands, but I let him slip away.” “So… what did he want? I thought he wanted to, you know, do it with you.”
“Oh, he did! But… it just didn’t feel right. And probably Irileth was hovering around somewhere too.” “He wanted you, and you still didn’t? Are you not feeling well?” “I know, right? But… The Jarl. That’s not like fucking some mangy, two-timing guard! And who knows what trouble I’d be getting myself into?” Ubergard, silent as usual, had to speak up at that. “On that point, your instincts were true Red. You saved yourself more trouble than you can possibly imagine.”
Red looked at her fellow Argonian. “It sounds like you have some experience with such matters, Uber.” “I’ve perhaps been closer to that sort of thing than you. Just trust me, you don’t want to get mixed up in politics like that. It’s dangerous.” “I don’t know, they say politics makes strange bedfellows. Maybe they’re talking about me! Besides, you never know what the future may hold, right?” Ubergard looked to Kitty, who just shrugged as Muz-Ra skipped the rest of the way to the castle, singing some odd tune she seemed to have just made up. Something about ‘Getting to Know You’…
The next day came and went, and Kitty noticed that Muz-Ra did seem more lighthearted than she had days before. But as the week went on, her attitude steadily seemed to sink until by the end of the week she seemed more depressed than ever. Finally, when she caught the normally cheerful Argonian sobbing alone in the kitchen one evening, she could restrain herself no longer and she asked her friend directly what was wrong. But Muz-Ra refused to discuss it, saying it was just a silly fantasy of hers and that she’d get over it soon enough.
Until the messenger came the next day…

Queen Muz-Ra #6

“So, Jarlyboy, do you often get the hots for other species?” Balgruuf laughed at the informality. “No, I’m afraid you’re the first of the beast races I’ve ever been interested in, in that way.”
Muz-Ra stopped short, her smile fading in a split second. “Look, Balgruuf. If it was anyone but you, I’d dump you right now and head back to the Bannered Mare. But I’m not going to do that for two reasons. First, you don’t know that I already got pissed off when someone mentioned the term ‘Beast Race’ earlier tonight. Second, I must admit there is some status you’re due as the Jarl. But be aware, I am hypersensitive to that term right now. I am not a beast. I am a sentient creature just like you. If you want, how about the term ‘Tailed Race’? Nice, factual and non-pejorative?”
Balgruuf was taken aback. “My apologies, Red. I meant no offense of course. It’s a common term around here to refer to Khajiit and Argonians you know.” “Oh, don’t I know it! But just because it’s common doesn’t make it right. It’s ok though, Jarlyhorse. I’m in a good mood tonight. Let’s talk about something else. So, the tail isn’t what attracted you?” “I… don’t think so. It’s hard to say. Something about the manner of your dance. It just struck me as extremely carefree. And sexy as hell of course.”
“Well, thank you Jarlmeister. I do feel duty-bound to tell you right now though, you won’t be getting any tonight.” Balgruuf looked at the Argonian. “No? I’m… not used to rejection. You don’t like me?” “Jarlister, come closer. Honey, right now I’m wet enough to take a horse and I can prove it. But it’s not going to happen.”
Balgruuf looked at her with a mix of frustration and curiosity. “No, really, go ahead. Here, give me your hand,” she said, guiding him to her. “I want you to understand that it’s not for lack of desire. It’s been so long I’d probably be happy with a carrot at this point, no offense intended. I don’t know how much you’re packing, but I guarantee it’s more than enough for my needs. But I am not a beast. I choose when and where I get bestial. If I’m going to sleep with you, I want to know who I’m sleeping with. If we were to do that tonight, I’d never get a chance to know you.”
The Jarl considered this. “I hadn’t really thought to turn this into an affair, you know.” Red nodded. “I know. You just wanted a quick fuck and then return to your normal routine back at Dragonsreach, having achieved another life goal; sex with an Argonian. And hey, sex with a Jarl would be no small experience for me either! But you won’t wash that hand tonight, I suspect. And that will make a much longer impression than a quick tumble, I am sure.”
The two walked on in silence for a minute.
“I think it might work.” “What’s that Jarlburger?” “I think you might have hooked me, Red.” The Argonian smiled openly and with sympathy. “Look, a quick roll in the hay is fine, but you made a fatal mistake. I think I might actually like you. That’s your fault! I have been told I’m brutally honest sometimes. I’ve just never understood why anyone would not be. I was hoping to find a boyfriend tonight and get fucked silly. Instead I found you. And I don’t want you to fuck me silly for just one night. You’re special, for your title at the very least. But I don’t think you got that title without some reason. I want to know you better than a one-shot fuck.”
“So, my status once again stops me from interacting with my citizens in a normal way?” Balgruuf mused sadly as they returned to the door of the Bannered Mare. “That’s about right, Jarlybaby. But do call on me someday soon so we can resume our… relationship. If you want to of course. You know where I live, and I know where you live. Here. Take this as a going away present.” With that, Muz-Ra reached one hand inside his robe and drew a single line gently from his scrotum to the tip of his penis with a clawed fingertip.
Smiling again, she retrieved her hand. “Oh yes! Jarlio, you’ll do JUST fine! please call on me soon won’t you?” Balgruuf, unused to being handled in this manner but unable to conceal his arousal, stammered “I… I expect I will. Red, I know our relationship is based on lust, perhaps unnatural at that. But, can I give you a kiss?” “Certainly! I would return the favor, but it’s a bit awkward for Argonians. We can’t exactly pucker you know.” “That’s fine.” “We do have an amorous greeting of our own that we do though. Don’t worry, it’s not so bad. Remind me to show it to you sometime.”

Queen Muz-Ra #5

After knocking at the door, Muz-Ra was admitted to a small room by the Housecarl, Irileth. A hooded figure sat on the bed nearby. At her arrival, the man looked up and gestured to Irileth who exited to the balcony but still obviously within earshot. “Welcome, Muz-Ra,” said the voice of the Jarl of Whiterun.
Muz-Ra bowed awkwardly, “Forgive me, my lord. I am not familiar with the etiquette you are used to, but I understand you wanted to speak to me?” The Jarl smiled at the Argonian. “Please, it is I who am misplaced here. In Dragonsreach, that sort of thing is expected, but here I am just another patron. Call me Balgruuf. When I visit outside the palace, I try to forget that I am also the Jarl.”
Of course, lord Balgruuf. But I can’t forget it, you know. And you can call me ‘Red’, if you are going to be my friend.“ "I do hope to be, Red. I suppose you have some idea why I called you up here?” “I’m not accustomed to being summoned to the presence of a Jarl, lord, but I am familiar with being courted by other males. I could tell you that I dress this way for comfort, or come up with some other reason just as plausible. But I do enjoy the attention more than anything else.”
“Please, would you mind sitting here beside me? I really would prefer it. I have people bowing to me all day. I don’t find it pleasant.” “Tell you what, I’m a little offput by the presence of a bed on our first meeting. I’m not a naive waif, but then again we females do like the courtship ritual before we jump right into the sack!” “Oh! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just the only furniture in here!” “Uh huh. Besides, Irileth is undoubtedly listening to every word we say. That is more than a little unnerving. Kinda throws off the mood when you know there are glowing red eyes hovering over you, you know? Not to mention a huge decapitated moose head!”
Balgruuf looked at the moose. “I guess you’re right about that!” he chuckled. “But I’ve got an idea…” He then looked at the balcony doorway. “I get so used to her presence, I forget sometimes. Irileth, can you come in here?” The Housecarl appeared instantly, “I know what you’re going to say, lord, and I do protest! We know nothing about Muz-Ra and I think it would be unwise in the extreme to allow you to stay completely unprotected in here with her. You know your life is never safe outside Dragonsreach.”
“Red, how long have you lived around Whiterun? With H I mean,” asked Balgruuf. “I guess it’s been about 5 years now. Why?” “5 years. Irileth, do you really think Muz-Ra here has been waiting 5 years for this night to happen? To dance with her friends, and catch my attention so she can assassinate me?” “Well… no.”
“But you’re right about one thing. I would like you to remain in this room.” “Lord?” “While Red and I go take a stroll.” The Housecarl’s red eyes went wide. “Alone? You think you can just go on a midnight ‘stroll’ around Whiterun?!” “I do. And I will. And you will remain here.” “But, Lord, please! If anything were to happen to you…” “Do I not have enough guards in the city? If I am in danger in my own city, I am a poor Jarl indeed! You WILL stay here, and await my return.” “Lord.” Irileth acquiesced.
“Red, shall we go?” “Go where, my lord?” “Why, for a stroll of course!” “A stroll? I don’t recall being asked to go for a stroll with you.” The Jarl of Whiterun’s jaw fairly dropped before he re-mustered his composure.
“I’m sorry Red. You’re right, of course. It was presumptuous of me to assume…” “Yes, in fact, it was presumptuous. However, now that you recognize that, I would be happy to accompany you,” Muz-Ra said, satisfied that she had established the ground rules of this game and who was in control. As they walked out of the Bannered Mare, Balgruuf couldn’t help but admire the view. “Red, I have to tell you something. Irileth will not stay in the tavern. I expect she’s heading out the back door already. She’ll be shadowing us.”
“Really? I thought you were the Jarl of Whiterun? Your orders aren’t obeyed here?” “Well, Irileth is a special case. She’s not like one of my guards.” “I see. Well, I suppose as long as she stays out of sight and I don’t have to think about her.” “Oh, that she will. But I know her well enough to know that she’ll be nearby.” Muz-Ra nodded, accepting it as inevitable.
“Red, you know, I’m not a young man anymore. All my years as the Jarl have worn away my skill at artifice and romance.” “Oh, don’t worry about that, Balgruuf. You’ve got a hard-on for me, and I’m at a time in my life where such interest is welcome. But I’m not just going to spread my legs for you and have a night of wanton lust. I want lots of nights of wanton lust. And I want to be comfortable with my partner.” “Why, Red, you certainly get right to the point, don’t you?” “You said you lack artifice. I’ve never had any. I say what I mean, and I mean what I say.” “So I see!”

Queen Muz-Ra #4

“Just one thing, Irileth. You understand Red is under my protection. Should anything uninvited happen, you and I shall dance.” “It would bring me great pleasure to dance with you, Ubergard. But that will not happen. He’s not that sort of man. If he were, I wouldn’t work for him.” Ubergard shrugged. “I’ll tell her when she gets back.” The Dunmer nodded in acknowledgement and went back up the stairs.
“Whew! You have more stamina than I expected Red!” said Cheetah, flopping back down on the bench, exhausted. “Oh, stamina I have! I may not have the muscles of Ubergard, but I do exercise often and for a long time. Though the muscles I train most aren’t obvious.” “I used to do that sort of training too, but now that I’m with Udaran, it seems kind of pointless. I’m afraid I have let myself go in that department.”
“Oh? I’d be interested to know what exercise techniques you used! I guess in your former line of work that would have been helpful.” “Absolutely. Some people think you just lay back and let him do all the work. I guess maybe some do, but not at the Cathouse. We took pride in turning the act into an art form, and we girls were certainly active participants! We even held contests sometimes during the off hours, of which I am proud to admit I won quite a few!”
“Contests? Like?” “Oh, all sorts of things. Most Flexible. Most Accommodating. Least Gag Reflex. We even had a weight lifting contest once a month.” “Weight lifting? Now that must have been interesting!” “Oh yes! That’s where I got the inspiration for my exercise routine. First, you tie a string around a…”
“Excuse me, Cheetah,” interrupted Ubergard, sensing the conversation was not going to end anytime soon. “Oh, sorry Ubergard,” Cheetah apologized. “If you don’t mind, I need to talk to Red alone for a minute.” Muz-Ra looked at the giant Argonian. “Me? Now?” “Please. It’s rather important.” Muz-Ra shrugged. “Well, ok. Cheetah, we’ll pick this conversation up again when I get back.”
When they had stepped away a short distance, Ubergard spoke to her friend in Jel so as to be unintelligible to anyone in the tavern… “Someone wants to meet you Red. Up in the private room.” “Really? Who is it?” “Irileth just came from there and told me.”
Muz-Ra looked at Ubergard, confused. “Irileth? Isn’t she the Housecarl of Dragonsreach?” “The same.” “She wants to meet me?” “Not her.”
Muz-Ra’s eyes grew large as saucers. “The Jarl? He’s here?” she said, looking up to the balcony. “Yes. And he wants to meet you. I’m given to understand he is interested in you.” “Well,” Muz-Ra looked back at her friend, “and why not? I was a model you know!” Ubergard nodded, conceding the point.
Muz-Ra smiled at the sudden reintroduction of romance to her life. “Well, I mustn’t keep him waiting! Give my apologies to Cheetah and Kitty. I’ll be back later.” “Red… Be careful. Politics is not your strong suit.” “Politics? What has this got to do with Politics? This is Biology!”
As she turned to go, she hesitated. Still speaking in Jel, she asked Ubergard, “Say, he’s kind of old. Do you think his heart is up to the challenge?” “From what I know of him, I don’t think you need to worry about that too much. He’s old, but he’s still a warrior-king.” “A warrior-king eh? I wonder what warrior-kings fuck like?”
And with that, the golden-clad Argonian fairly skipped towards the stairs. Ubergard returned to her bench, shaking her head. “This,” she thought, “is going to be a disaster.”

Queen Muz-Ra #3

Ubergard sat alone on the bench, watching the proceedings. She was intrinsically stoic in her demeanor, but in her own way she had developed a strong affection for Muz-Ra and Kitty during her adventures with them. While she didn’t often engage in the sort of frivolity they were having, she nonetheless enjoyed watching them at play like this. If asked, she would have feigned disgust at their antics, but that was really a ruse. These trips to the Bannered Mare were, in fact, the high point of her days, excluding the now-infrequent battles since she had settled into a more civilized lifestyle.
It was while she was reflecting on this that she noted a new presence sitting beside her. The voice, however, was familiar. “Looks like they’re having quite a time of it tonight. Don’t you dance Ubergard?” “I do, but my partner generally doesn’t walk away afterwards,” she replied quietly, not looking away. “What are you doing here Irileth? Shouldn’t you be back at Dragonsreach counting taxes or something?” “Even a Housecarl needs to get away occasionally,” the dusky Dunmer responded, though Ubergard noted that she hadn’t truly answered the question.
“What do you want?” Ubergard asked, perhaps a bit disrespectfully. “Want? It’s a public tavern. Must I have an agenda?” “You usually do.” “You’re not still upset about that little spat are you? That was months ago! You really need to learn to let things go. It’s not wise for a person in your position to harbor resentment towards your superiors you know.”
“When I find one, I’ll consider your advice,” Ubergard turned to look directly at her neighbor. Irileth’s red eyes flashed momentarily, but then she turned back to the dancers. “I understand you’ve moved in with Kitty and… What’s her name? Muz-La? …in the old castle.” “Muz-RA. Yes, Castle Kitty we call it now. And why should I care what you do or don’t understand?” “I’ve heard of another name for it. But please, there’s no need to be hostile. I’m just curious. Kitty’s sudden, shall we say, ‘change of fortune’ has raised some eyebrows in the city.”
“That doesn’t surprise me. Having a wealthy Khajiit living openly nearby isn’t something they’re used to.” “Oh, it’s unusual to be sure. H is one exception, but he’s discreet and rarely seen in Whiterun. Still, you might be suprised to know just how well they actually LIKE Kitty around town. Such a thing is… unexpected from the Nords around here.” “Because they’re a bunch of species-ist bigots. When they learn that another race can actually be considered as an equal – when they actually interact with them on an equal footing, that should be expected if they’re not unredeemable.” “As well I know, Argonian. I see it as a very good thing. But not all do. We have a unique perspective, you and I. We’re both outsiders here.”
“Get to the point, Dunmer,” Ubergard demanded. “What do you want?” “I’m just interested in finding out more about Muz-Ra actually. What can you tell me about her? I know she’s been working at H’s for years, but I now have a need to know more.” Ubergard was suprised at this. Asking about Kitty would be expected now that she had become a significant personage around Whiterun with her purchase of Castle Kitty. But she did not expect any interest in Muz-Ra. “Red? Well, she’s very forthright, to a fault. I can tell you that. Also she is uninhibited, which is pretty obvious considering her present posture! She is, as far as I know, exactly what you see.”
“Interesting. It seems clear to me also that Kitty is quite fond of Mikael… Very fond indeed. And yet there seems to be no animosity, given that, between Mikael and Muz-Ra. Can I surmise then that Kitty and Muz-Ra are not, in fact, lovers?” “Muz-Ra? Kitty? Oh no. They’re about as male-loving as they can be.” “And yet Muz-Ra dances with this other Khajiit, one I am given to understand is in a physical relationship with another female Khajiit at the Tails…” “Irileth, they’re just having fun! They’re not licking each other!”
“Even so…” “Kitty and Muz-Ra are friends, as are Cheetah and Muz-Ra. Just good friends, nothing more. Why are you so interested in Red anyway? I know it’s your job to keep tabs on the locals here for the Jarl, but why…” At this point, Irileth looked directly at the Argonian for the first time and touched Ubergard’s thigh, interrupting her. “We all have our reasons,” she said while her eyes indicated something above and to her right where a balcony overlooked the tavern floor below.
Ubergard glanced up and away, catching the sight of a hooded figure there, watching the dancers. “No!” she whispered to Irileth, “an Argonian? Red?!” Ireleth gave a sigh. “Nature is truly mysterious, my friend. A cupid’s arrow can strike anyone, despite all the protection that servants like us can muster.”
“Oh… My… God,” Ubergard whispered, looking from the hooded figure to Muz-Ra and back again, her mouth gaping. She then turned to the Housecarl of Dragonsreach, Ubergard’s expression changed to one of pity for the Dunmer. “Heaven help you Irileth. You have my sincere sympathy.” Irileth sighed as she stood up to go, “Thank you, Ubergard. We all do our best with what we’re given.”

Queen Muz-Ra #2

“Wait, let me get this straight. It’s inside their butt?” “Well… kinda… I mean, it’s not… It’s like your liver is inside your belly, but it’s not in your stomach.” “Ah. Next time I split one open, I’ll keep an eye out for it. But that still doesn’t make sense. Besides, I don’t want people stimulating my liver!” Kitty shrugged. “I don’t know if all of them do. Well… I don’t know! I haven’t got one! I’m sorry Uber, I’m not very good at explaining it.”
“Oh, and it’s worse than that Uber,” Muz-Ra added, gleefully delighting in the disgusted look coming over the big Argonian’s features. “They think we should like it too!” “Ok. That’s it. There’s just no getting around it. Males are just weird,” Ubergard declared flatly. Kitty and Muz-Ra looked at each other seriously for a moment and had to nod. “That’s a fact,” Kitty acknowledged.
“And you both like them that way?” Once again the two looked at each other, this time with big grins. “Oh yes!” Kitty admitted proudly. “Then you’re just as weird. Come on, let’s go in,” Ubergard commanded, deciding the conversation was over.
Upon entering the tavern, Kitty was delighted to see her friend Cheetah, from the Tails, inside as well as her lover, the bard Mikael. “Cheetah!” she called out, giving the fellow Khajiit a fierce hug. “Kitty! Red! Uber! Glad to see you here tonight!” Cheetah said, cheerfully to her old friends. “Well if it isn’t the hottest Khajiit in Skyrim. Good to see you again Chee!” said Muz-Ra. “You too Red,” she said, then turned back to Kitty.
“Well! How’s life as Royalty treating you?” asked Cheetah, escorting her friends to an open bench by the fire. “Oh, pretty good. Though having money doesn’t exactly make you Royalty in Skyrim you know.” Cheetah shrugged, “Maybe not officially, but i doesn’t hurt either! How’s it holding out? Your gold I mean.” Kitty drew her friend close, not wanting to talk about money too openly. “To be honest Chee, I’ve got more now than I had when I bought the castle!”
“No… really? I guess it’s true! The rich get richer!” Kitty shrugged. “Only if they have good advisors. Or get damn lucky!” “Advisors? Who is your advisor?” “Who do you think? H!”
Cheetah nodded, “Smart. Say, are you dancing for Mikael tonight?” “Not officially, though I might just for fun. So how are you and Udaran getting along?” Cheetah’s expression changed. “Not well. I think we’re still together, but we haven’t been talking. Sort of an argument. I said something stupid.”
“Ah. And you’re here to get away for a bit.” “Yeah. I needed a chance of scenery for a night. Say, wanna dance?” “Later. I really need to go talk to Mikael for a minute.” “How about you Red? Want to swing your tail around with me a bit?” “Sure!” Muz-Ra replied enthusiastically.
Muz-Ra and Cheetah then took to the floor while the other patrons watched and clapped, while Kitty went to meet her friend Mikael.
While the two were occasional lovers, both understood that it was a very informal relationship. Kitty may not have been as world-wise as the bard, but she knew instinctively that, in his line of work, monogamy was unlikely. But still, as a ‘friend with benefits’, Kitty thought he was nice to have around until she met someone else, and he was always unfailingly cheerful. So she played the game she often played with him while he was working that she called “Distract the Bard!”.

Queen Muz-Ra #1

Author’s note: Yup, a new story in the TotK world. NSFW and nastiness abounds as normal. Hide the children! “Hi Red! Hey, Ubergard and I are going to the Bannered Mare tonight. Want to come along?” “I don’t know Kitty. I’d have to pass Ken and I’d end up all sad and mopey.” “Ken. That’s your ex-boyfriend guard fellow right?” “Yeah, that’s him.”
“The one that…” “That’s married. Yeah. That’s the one,” Muz-Ra admitted gloomily. “Well it seems to me you’re all sad and mopey anyway. Besides, you can’t stay away forever right?”
Muz-Ra sighed, “Oh, I suppose you’re right. One thing’s for sure, I’ll never find another boyfriend hanging out here all the time.” “Ok then, it’s settled. And hey, maybe Mikael will have a friend he can introduce you to.” “Hope springs eternal!”
Later that evening as the three approached the gates of Whiterun… “Hi Ken,” Muz-Ra said halfheartedly as she stepped up to her former lover. “Hi Red. Looking good as ever!” “Thanks. You doing ok these days?”
“As well as can be expected. I miss you, you know.” “Me too. But you lied to me. I can’t forget that.” “I know,” Ken said, downcast. “At least he has the decency to be ashamed,” Kitty thought. “So, can we pass?”
“You know, you don’t work for H anymore. The rules about beast races really should apply.” “Oh for god’s sake, Ken, we ALL used to work there. And really, can you stop with the ‘beast race’ thing? You’re a monkey race yourself, you know!”
“Ok, ok! Lighten up Red. But maybe at some point you can ask Bhusaran to talk to the Jarl for you or something to make it official?” “I will. But for now…” “Go ahead.”
After they passed within the gates of Whiterun, Red was angry. “Aren’t you sick of it Kitty? Uber? All this damned ‘beast race’ stuff I mean?” “It does get annoying, I must admit. But of all the cities in Skyrim, I think Whiterun is at least the must tolerant.” “But dammit they don’t even say that about Orcs!” “It’s the tail I figure,” Kitty said, looking at her own admiringly. “They’re jealous.”
“And the snout. They don’t like snouts either.” Ubergard added. “Well I can tell you one thing, all the Men I’ve been with sure like the tail!” Muz-Ra added, perking up a bit to her former self. “Oh?” Kitty asked, curious. “Absolutely! Great for prostate stimulation!”
“RED! EW! You don’t really…” Muz-Ra just looked at her with a mysterious smile. “Maaaaybe…” “Well, glad you’re back to your old self again anyway.” “Excuse me,” Ubergard interrupted looking a bit embarrassed, “What’s a prostate?”

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